DCent

Let the (Holiday) Madness Begin!

2006-11-22T09:07:00.000-05:00

Strap on the feed bag! In less than 24 hours (assuming I don't wreck on I-95), I will be sipping beers and eating the hell out of my sisters Thanksgiving feast. This is the first year that my sis is preparing dinner at her place and she's an awesome cook and much more domestic than myself. Where did those traits come from and why didn't I get them? Eh, i've got other talents...more on that later...

Sis called me last night while I was enjoying a delicious dinner and drink at The Wonderland. She mentioned that she has "a fridge stocked with Yuengling." Best.Sister.Ever.

Before this magical journey to destination "break out the elastic - waist pants" begins, there are several various and sundry items I need to take care of. They include the following:

1) Laundry - I have not run a load of laundry in at least two weeks and I don't own that many clothes. I'm not going to lie, my pants aren't wrinkled because I didn't fold them. They're wrinkled because I picked them out of the laundry basket...where they've been since last week.

2) Vehicle Registration @ DC DMV - Shoot me. I renewed my registration online back in October and never received my new window decal in the mail. I haven't been pulled over or ticketed for it yet. I'm going to the DMV this afternoon to get my sticker. Please keep me in your prayers.

3) Clean the Jeep - It's filthy and i'm starting to lose control whenever I have to sit in it. It's the leaves stuck to the floor mat that are really sending me over the edge. Also, my mom was riding in it two weeks ago and refuses to ash out the window. There are ashes all over the interior. For my mental health, I need it to be spotless before I drive it anywhere. That's just how I roll.

After these items are completed it's on! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Live Looping, Beatboxing & Brilliance

2006-11-14T17:48:00.000-05:00

Last night, thanks to craigslist savvy Maria - I was able to attend the Imogen Heap show at the 9:30 Club. Although I haven't written about live performances on this blog in quite some time, i'm going to attempt to put this experience into words. Please bear with me - at some point during last nights performances (most likely while Imogen was rockin' the keytar on "Hide and Seek"), my brain exploded and i'm still trying to put it all back together.

First, let's talk about live looping. I've never seen this done before, or at least not that I was aware of. If you're not schooled in the ways of live looping either, allow me to offer my (very) basic explanation -- essentially, live looping allows the artists to layer their own sounds in a live performance in order to give the songs more depth. It's done by recording an initial sound, beat, etc. then playing it back on a "loop" along with other recorded sounds (a.k.a. overdubbing). I think what struck me most about the live looping was that I felt like I was not only hearing the construction and layering of the music, but I was actually able to see the artist(s) record and blend the sounds together, right on stage. Music is one thing, but blending that with technology...i'll be honest, I was pretty much losing control.

Then we have Kid Beyond - "a one man vocal orchestra." I'd imagine he's one of the most talented beatboxers around. I've heard beatboxing before, but this was something altogether amazing. Using live looping, he was able to vocally construct all the beats and hypnotic techno cuts for songs like NIN's "Closer" as well as Portishead's "Wandering Star." There are some pretty decent clips of his live performances on YouTube; you honestly need to check this guy out.

Finally, somewhere around midnight - Imogen Heap took the stage (brief note: she introduced all of her opening acts, which I thought charming). Although the above picture was not snapped at last nights show, it is indicitive of what she was wearing - complete with pink feathered hair. Rock Star. -- which is exactly what she was. Girl's got some pipes, which when blended with her "band" (consisting of various electronic devices), and the ethereal background/lighting, it was pretty much enough to blow my fragile mind. She played a nice, long set including songs from her Frou Frou album as well as those off her latest CD. I can honestly say, this was one of the best concerts i've been to this year. If you're able to get tickets to any of her future performances, I highly recommend it. Word on the street is that she'll be taking a brief hiatus while she records her next album.

Everyone Gets the Angries!

2006-11-09T09:46:00.000-05:00

"Do the mean, awful angries keep creeping up on you?"

Dear Lady Who Knows About Mads,

Sometimes my anger sharks start swimming and I can't control the INTENSE RAGE that I feel inside. This is usually escalated by my excessive drinking and aggressive tendencies. Being Irish Catholic, i'm predisposed towards supressing my anger and emotions. I just want to let you know that your website was very informative in helping me learn positive things to do with my anger.

I now know that to let go of my anger, I just need to give it a little poke - even though i'm pinching and poking the living hell out of myself, I suppose it's more constructive than flipping desks over and hurling office supplies - I barely even notice the pinch marks anymore!

I also wanted to thank you for your recommended additional reading. "Why Did Johnny Kill" proved to be one of the most comprehensive and educational resources on school violence which includes the dynamics of rejection, isolation, bullying, shame, anger, and acting out in children - which I feel is something we can all relate to!

Keep up the great work anger lady!

Brick NJ - Safest City in America

2006-10-31T08:41:00.000-05:00

Growing up, I spent every summer in Brick NJ. My parents retired there after I graduated from highschool. The land that their house stands on has been in my family since the 1940's. So basically, my grandparents spent their summers there, my parents spent their summers there (and actually met there)...I spent my summers there. {Yes, you can start humming the Andy Griffith Show theme song in your head now}.

I discovered this morning that it's more like Andy Griffith's Mayberry than I thought. Brick has been voted the #1 safest city in the United States. That's right people, the #1 safest city is in New Jersey - parkway exit 88, bitches!

According to the article, the rankings are based on FBI statistics that were released in June. I've got my own theories about why Brick has been ranked #1 among safest cities. Here are a couple of the contributing factors:

1) The Geriatric Effect: Not unlike Florida - old people in NJ go to Brick to...ahem...die. I'm being dead serious here (pun intended). There are more retirement villages in Brick, per capita than in any other city i've been too (excluding Florida, of course). Here's an example of one such "Active Adult Community" - Leisure Village.

2) The Cop Factor: Brick is crawling with cops. It seems that everyone who graduated from Brick High and never got out of town became a cop. Who wouldn't want to be a cop in Brick?! The old people aren't kicking up much of a fuss; it's close to the beach; and if all your friends are cops, why not join the party?!

3) "The Godfather" Factor: Sometimes a bunch of huge bodyguard looking types buy a house down the street from you. And sometimes those big guys drive really nice cars and work odd hours. And sometimes those guys want to fly under the radar and blend in like everyone else so they obey the speed limit, pick up after their dogs, and generally make fantastic neighbors. Their silent presence is enough to maintain order in the neighborhood - nobody in their right minds is going to mess with them or their neighbors (who are mostly cops). As long as everyone minds their business - nobody gets hurt.

Now that's something you won't find in the FBI reports.

"Travelling down the Turnpike, heading for the shore, a thought just then occured to me I never thought before. I've been a lot of places, seen pictures of the rest, but of all the places I can think of, I like Jersey best."
-John Pizarelli

And There's Always Retrospect to Light a Clearer Path...

2006-10-27T08:49:00.000-04:00

...every five years or so I take a look back on my life and I have a good laugh...

Ticket to class reunion (open bar): $25.00
Filling up the Jeep en route: $32.00
Tolls paid: $10.00
Ticket issued by Princeton PD for illegal turn: $85.00 (d'oh!)
Seeing what's become of your graduating class: Priceless

That's right - I attended my five year class reunion this weekend. It seems that the concensus among my older friends is that not much changes in the 5 years between highschool and college graduation and that it's the 10 year reunion where the shit show is in full force. I suppose I agree for the most part. Some people had "filled out," others were rockin' the Skeletor look, nobody was bald yet - although I can already tell who's on their way to the comb over...

I guess the real point of the weekend (other than the alumni association pitching us to donate the moths from our pockets) was to reconcile what has changed with what remains the same. The open bar as social lubricant really helped the situation, I feel! Honestly, I went for two reasons 1) Shear morbid curiosity at the thought of how people's lives had changed 2) To reconnect with the friends I had in highschool whom I don't keep as good of touch with as I really should.

I think the best part about going back was that i'm comfortable with who I am and what i've done with myself over the past five years. I think my friend Katie put it best by saying: "I'm a better version of the person that I was back in highschool." I hope the same holds true for me.

Other entertaining moments included realizing that the last time I drank with all these kids, we were in some backyard or field somewhere - totally underaged and spooked that the cops were going to show up (which they always did). I never got in trouble with the cops in highschool - nope, I had to go back to my reunion to get pulled over for making an illegal right on red (believe me, it could have been worse).

I guess if this is supposed to be some kind of mile marker in life, i'm feeling pretty good about things, maybe i'm on the right track.

We'd Only Just Begun...

2006-10-05T08:59:00.000-04:00

I knew that my iPod was important to me...I just didn't know it was that important. I feared the day would come; when I would wake to find my car busted into, my center console broken open...and my iPod gone.

I hope you're happy iPod stealer/car breaker inner person. You weren't satisfied with my video iPod and $100 metro farecard...nope. You had to go and take the $1.64 in loose change out of my cup holder too. Now I have no music, no metro card...and no change to pay for the parking meter.

I really hope you like my selection of music. I think you'll especially enjoy the KEXP podcasts...they were my favorite, or perhaps you're more of a Justin Timberlake "Sexy Back" fan. Yeah, i've got that on there too.

Enjoy you f-ing bastard....enjoy.

Finally, A Fantasy League I Can Hang With

2006-08-30T16:54:00.000-04:00

I'll be the first one to admit, when it comes to making picks for fantasy sports teams...I downright suck. While friends and coworkers are chatting about their team pics and generally talking trash at the water cooler, I never really know what to say. Of course, it may stem from the fact that I don't really watch any professional sports. I like to catch a rugby match when it's on Fox Sports World - at least I can yell at the TV and know what i'm talking about (most of the time) when it comes to rugby...anything else is beyond me.

I thought I would be missing out on all the fantasy league histeria, that is - until a friend and fellow blogger, Catch Up Lady, tipped me off to....wait for it...a celebrity fantasy league!

It's like fantasy sports but instead of points being scored for homeruns and touchdowns they're scored for divorces, catfights and nose jobs!

Now this is something I can get into - trainwrecked celebrities are my guilty pleasure. Finally, years of reading trashy grocery store magazines, celebrity blogs and watching E! are going to pay off!

Fafarazzi.com works just like any fantasy sports league. You can play in a public league, or a private one among your friends - make your picks for the season - and watch as the celebrity smack downs unfold. Quite simply, it's taking over my life.

The site is also appealing to bloggers, here's why - apparently Ryan Seacrest works around the clock. I mean, start flipping the channels and he's bound to be on one or two at least. So, the only time he stops to take a quick break is when he checks his Google Alerts....for himself. That's right, he actually checks his alerts to see if any news stories have popped up about him. So Fafarazzi, in an effort to capitalize on this and their growing popularity is asking bloggers to go viral and spread the word about Seacrest and Fafarazzi in hopes that he'll mention it on one of his 10 Billion TV appearances.

Pretty brilliant if you ask me. Will celebs start doing crazy shit for the Fafarazzi points? We'll never know unless they know, so spread the word! Oh, and if you want to get in on my fantasy celeb league, let me know. Suri Cruise has to surface one of these days - i've got my money on a media shit storm when it happens!

18 Years Later, I Still Remember

2006-08-30T09:06:00.000-04:00

L2 Green. If you forget everything you learn on the first day of kindergarten, for the love of god - don't forget to get on the L2 Green bus.

I didn't forget. It's 18 years later and I can still remember the bus I was supposed to board to get home from my first day of school. I was reminded of this fact after reading a WaPo article about a little boy who got on the wrong bus home when he was supposed to go to after care. Why do I remember this little nugget of childhood info? Because I was mortified that I would get lost on the way home and end up at some strangers house - a stranger who wouldn't have Teddy Grahams or a nice little snack waiting for me...

Or maybe it was the fact that if I had boarded the wrong bus, my parents would never let me hear the end of it. They wouldn't have blamed it on the school system, or the bus driver, or the after care program...they would have blamed it on me and who wants to be a complete failure on their first day of school?

Either way, that's a tough lesson to learn 'lil buddy. Better luck this afternoon.

Dinner at Hank's

2006-08-24T16:41:00.000-04:00

I have this mental block where i'll drive past a restaurant in DC and think to myself "Oh! I'd really like to try that!" Then a week goes by and a friend asks me to pick a place for dinner and i'm like a deer in headlights. My mind goes blank - the only thing I can think of is Ollie's Trolley or Ben's Chili Bowl.

DC's recent restaurant week reminded me of many of the restaurants that i've wanted to try, but blanked on when the time came to get up and go. I was fortunate enough to be able to snag reservations at Georgetown's Filomena with two of my friends. I thought the meal was excellent, and I was happy with the Restaurant Week items they served. I'll admit, Filomena wasn't my first choice; looking through the Restaurant Week participants, I really wanted to try out Dupont's Hanks Oyster Bar.

After reading a couple of online reviews, it sounded like Hank's was more of a neighborhood spot, catering to a need for a nice(er) dining establishment than those in the immediate area. Honestly, I love seafood - especially oysters, so I was dead set on remembering Hank's the next time the dinner bell rang.

My friend Maria offered to take me out to dinner in exchange for helping her pick her car up from the mechanic - a dinner at Hank's in exchange for a half hour detour on my way home from work...good deal in my book. We headed over to Dupont in the midst of the tail end of rush hour, which means traffic...and parking nightmares. After circling the area for about 15 minutes, we finally located the perfect spot (the hunt for parking would later offer some prime dining entertainment...more on that later).

At first glance, Hank's looked exactly as it had been described - a little neighborhood spot, sandwiched next to a pizza place right off 16th Street. Restuarant reviews had warned of wait times because of the limited seating at Hank's, but we were lucky enough to snag a curbside table right away. Although Hank's has been open since mid-May, we had a couple people stroll by who had never seen the restaurant and since we were sitting by the entrance, we were asked what we thought about our meals which I found quaint rather than annoying.

I had the oyster po' boy which came with a side of fresh coleslaw and Maria had the lobster roll with fries. We agreed that both were pretty good...although not amazing. The waitstaff was attentive, consistently refilling our drinks and checking on "us." I say "us" because our waitress would not make eye contact with me or address me at all throughout our meal. This bothered me. A lot. All inquiries were directed at Maria, which I didn't notice until she pointed it out. Maybe she thought Maria was my interpreter? Maybe looking at me directly would cause the waitress to implode? I just don't know...

So while I was being ignored I passed the time by watching three seperate cars attempt to squeeze into a spot right in front of the restaurant and listened to the hilarious commentary of my fellow diners as car after car failed to get into the space. This was the highlight of the evening. Finally, a BMW got it after three tries and everyone outside cheered. Hooray for knowing how to park when you live in a freaking city...

Hank's doesn't have a desert menu which was a little dissapointing, although the waitress was nice enough to suggest that Maria take advantage of the warm evening and enjoy some ice cream in the neighborhood. Had I asked, she probably would have suggested that I walk off a cliff or maybe she would just continue to ignore me.

Would I go back to Hank's? Eh, I wasn't dazzled - I had real high hopes going in...maybe that was the problem. But hey, they're a pretty recent addition to the restaurant scene so maybe they'll figure it out in time. I'm optimistic.

This Magazine Smells Like...

2006-08-16T08:36:00.000-04:00

I've been dogsitting for two friends who are out of town this week and enjoying the little things that come with staying alone at someones else's house - you know... raiding the fridge, watching DVD's I don't own, accidentally setting the security system off. Good Times.

While I was picking up the mail, I noticed the new Rolling Stone magazine in the pile. Score! Although i'm a big fan of Rolling Stone, I never bothered to get my own subscription (hint: Christmas gift idea), so I was psyched to have it all to myself. I grabbed a Corona and a jar of pickles (this is why I don't live alone) and began flipping through the articles.

About halfway through the magazine, I saw an ad for the second season of Showtime's series "Weeds." The ad made me stop for two reasons 1) My friends left me the box set of season one to watch while they're away and 2) The advertisement smelled like weed.

At first, I thought that maybe it was my mind playing tricks on my senses - that I was imagining the smell, but off the the right side of the ad is a little scent strip like they have for fragrances. I think this is pure genius. The ad for "Weeds" is weed scented...the snozberies taste like snozberies!

According to MediaBuyerPlanner.com:
"The Showtime campaign also includes ice cream trucks that will visit concerts and other events. The trucks are dubbed Weeds Munchie Mobiles and they'll be giving out Weeds merchandise in six cities. Street vendors will also hand out coffee in Weeds cups."

I wonder which lucky six cities the Munchie Mobiles will be visiting. I have a sneaking suspicion that D.C. won't make the list, but if you happen to see the Mystery Machine -Munchie Mobile, please let me know.

Dorm Life 101

2006-08-10T09:31:00.000-04:00

The Washington Post's Home & Garden section is running a story on the "Prerequisites for College Life" based on the fact that DC is about to get flooded with bright eyed freshmen who have no idea what to bring with them to survive DC dorm life.

The suggestions in the article are useful and ones that I should have at least thought about before I packed so much crap in my dad's car that there was no room for my mom to drive down to DC with us. Yeah, I still feel pretty bad about that one...but that's what you get when you start throwing things into boxes the night before you're supposed to arrive.

My move in experience was a little different than most. Being the youngest of eight kids, my dad had been through this before and knew exactly how to handle the situation. He pulled up in front of my dorm, opened the trunk for me, then leaned against the car and lit a cigar while I hauled boxes down a flight of stairs to my new "terrace" room (a.k.a. basement dungeon). The other dads who were running around carrying boxes for their daughters saw this, and although they continued hauling crap - you could tell they were impressed by my dads control of the situtation.

After all the boxes were unloaded, my dad came down to peek his head into my new dungeon. He actually shook his head and laughed at the sight of three beds (one set of bunk beds and one loft) crammed into a room that was clearly only meant for two people (as evidenced by the fact that there were only two dressers and two closets) - Welcome to college.

We went and got a cheeseburger at McDonald's (my last supper of parental control) and with these words, he left me on my own: "I'll see you at graduation."

If you're like I was, and basically left to your own devices once mommy and daddy drive away then you need to be smarter about the choices you make. I didn't have the money to spend on a nice comforter for my bed or the tapestries to hang from my ceiling. I needed the little money I had saved up from earlier that summer to pay for text books.

Surviving that first year on a limited budget can be tough, but it's pretty easy to pick up little tricks along the way. For one thing, I was blessed with a roomate whose mom lived in the area and would stop by with all sorts of stuff for us. She sort of took us under her wing, and anything we were really lacking would magically appear the next time she came to visit - little crap like forks for our raman noodles, etc. If you're heading to college, pray that you have similar luck in the roomate department, but don't bet on it.

First semester, you're usually required to have a meal plan which may or may not be appealing to you. The great thing is that it means you probably won't starve; the bad thing is that you actually have to haul your butt over to the dining hall in the rain, sleet, snow...terrorist threats. You also can't be sure that once you get to the dining hall they're actually going to have something that you want to eat. So here's what you do - whenever you go to the dining hall, bring a couple of ziplock bags with you. Load them up with things that you know you like to eat for those times when you don't want to leave your room or the dining hall is closed.

Don't feel guilty - are you aware of how much they're charging you for those meal plans? And making it mandatory is ridiculous because they usually require you to buy into one of the more expensive options. Take things as much as you can from the dining hall, trust me. I ended up with over 50 extra meals on my dining card at the end of the semester...I almost rounded up the homeless outside of Union Station to treat them to a meal.

If you're dorm room actually has room for a couch or loveseat - don't run out to Ikea and waste your money. "Borrow" one from the lounge and then return it at the end of the semester. Make sure you return it or else they'll try to charge everyone on the floor for "damages" and make sure that your R.A. doesn't come in and spot it. I found that a blanket covered it up nicely.

This next tip is the mother of all tips - if you skipped everything in this post DON'T SKIP THIS! School shopping doesn't end once the semester is in full swing, oh no! The best time to "shop" is at the end of the school year when everyone is leaving to go back home for the summer. I stayed in DC after my freshman year (remember my dad said he'd see me at graduation? Yeah, he meant it). This will only work if your school has a large population of foreign students. In my case, there was not only a large international student population, but there was a specific dorm that almost all of them lived in.

What you need to do is get yourself a shopping cart (college students are notorious for "borrowing" shopping carts...i'm sure you'll find one nearby) and take it to the dorm with the highest population of foreign kids. Make sure that you do this the day that everyone is moving out for the summer. The premise is that the international students end up purchasing nice items (TV's, fridges, stereos, etc.) that they can't take back home on the plane with them and that they don't care enough to ship home. So they end up just leaving it in their abandoned rooms, or putting it out in the hallway. This is when you wheel you cart up and claim your loot. If they're still in the room when you're collecting your goods, you can ask them if they're going to toss it, but if it looks like the coast is clear, it's all yours!

This is how I survived my freshman year of college - without ever setting foot in Ikea or Bed, Bath and Beyond. Hope it helps kiddies - and good luck!

Alcohol + Oddity...What Could Be Better?

2006-08-07T16:44:00.000-04:00

Shout out to the Washington Post Express for including this post in their blog log.

This past Saturday I headed over to Showbar's Palace of Wonders for the first time since their July opening. After reading about sword swallowing bartenders and various displays of oddities mixed in with the occult - I was anxious to see if it was everything I had imagined and most importantly, I wanted to see if it was as much of a departure from the DC bar scene as I had hoped.

As far as it living up to everything I had imagined from reading earlier reviews, I wasn't dissapointed with the decor or the feel of the bar. The staff seemed friendly, although not overly so (which is nice - I like my bartenders good and surly). There was plenty going on, which included sword swallowing and tarot card readings, but the nice part was that these things didn't get in the way if you were just there to have a couple beers with your friends - it's not like they were forcing a show on anyone and the tarot readings were tucked into a quiet corner which was great for a private reading (I was impressed with the tarot card reading - not just because I have a good future ahead of me...wink wink...but because you could tell the man doing the readings really enjoyed what he was doing...and that was nice).

It's going to be interesting to see how the H Street corridor develops and to see what clientele will frequent the bars that have already or will soon open their doors. The cops were out in full force Saturday night - my friends and I witnessed two police cars pull over a woman, and was then joined by a motorcycle cop (we didn't get the scoop on what the offense was). While in the bar, a cop entered and seemed to follow a group of girls who made a bee line for the "smoking deck" and down a flight of stairs. Not sure if they were underaged or in trouble, but the cop paused to give the bars cat (yes, there's a kitty that hangs out at the bar) some love.

The bar was relatively empty until around 11:00pm when the cabs started rolling up and dumping out what appeared to be M Street transplants. My friends (who bought a house in the neighborhood about a year ago) and I sat staring as these girls were exiting cabs flinging their huge purses around and generally drawing a lot of attention to themselves. Now look - I could launch into a whole discussion about gentrification and the changing face of the H Street corridor, but i'm going to leave that to DCist. What I will say is this - ladies, have some freaking common sense! I don't care if you're in Anacostia or Georgetown, you don't stand in the middle of the sidewalk digging through your purse, taking wads of cash, iPods and various other treasures out in order to find your I.D. I'm not a criminal, but for a fleeting moment, even I wanted to wack you on the head and take your shit - if for no other reason than to teach you a lesson.

Final note - there's no kitchen at The Palace of Wonders, so if you need to line your stomach after a couple of beers there is a great take out place across the street. I recommend the three piece chicken plate with french fries - amazing. Oh, and I just checked their website - turns out there's a Female Arm Wrestling Night on Tuesday's. Now that's a show I would pay to see!

Get Rich Quick! No Experience Necessary!

2006-08-07T12:43:00.000-04:00

When i'm scrolling through my Google search results, I like to take a look at the sponsored links section on the right hand side of the page, mostly out of curiosity to see what keywords inspire certain ads to appear. Recently, i've been noticing that many of the links are for "get rich quick" schemes or so called business opportunities. You may have also noticed similar ads if you've scrolled through the job classified's on Craigslist.

I have an odd fascination with these websites and job opportunities - to me, it's sort of like watching an infomercial. I know i'm never going to buy the crap that they sell, but there's something about an Australian guy mopping up spills with his space aged mop that I can't get enough of.

If you've been taken once by one of these "opportunities," it becomes a whole lot easier to spot them. Yup, you guessed it - I once fell for one of these stupid things, here's how it went down:

Spring break of my senior year in college I decided it was time to get my shit together and dedicate myself to job searching outside of the DC area. At the time, I was toying with the idea of moving to Richmond and since I was spending my spring break with friends down there, I thought it would be the perfect time to see if I could secure some interviews and get my resume out. My area of specialization in college was marketing, and I knew that I wanted to do something within that field, but because Richmond isn't exactly a marketing mecca, I wasn't coming up with much. That's when I came across and advertisment for a marketing company that was seeking "sports minded individuals" to work as associates. I can't remember all of the wording of the ad, but it impressed me and I sent along my resume. A receptionist called a day later to set up an interview for the following week while I was down there...I was stoked.

I showed up to the interview a little early and noticed that others were beginning to file into the waiting area. It didn't take long for me to figure out that they were also being interviewed for the open position. A young woman then emerged from an office and introduced herself as some sort of manager and that she would be interviewing us individually - ok, I thought - no problem. I was one of the first to go and I remember her asking a lot of general questions, but not much of anything about my educational background or my previous work experiences. The conversation was mostly based on if I enjoy working in a team environment and how comfortable I am in speaking with others. I should have known that this was going nowhere and if I could go back and change the events of that day, I would have calmly walked out of there when she was done with her interview, but as asked, I stayed.

After everyone else finished up their interviews, another office door opened up and we got to meet the rest of the employees. Mostly guys in their early 20's, high fiving each other and getting psyched for the day ahead...it was a meathead convention - another sign that I should have run, but didn't. "Great news, you all did very well on your interviews and we'd like you to stay and spend the afternoon shadowing some of our associates." By shadowing, I didn't think they meant going on sales calls throughout the greater Richmond area with some random meathead; not only subjected to his cult like attitude towards his job, but also his terrible driving.

After a morning of smoke and mirrors, I was ready to get to the bottom of whatever the hell this company was doing or selling. The meathead explained that the business was based on going into local businesses and selling credit card processing machines - yup, f*ing credit card machines. Since it was B2B or business to business selling, it wasn't considered door to door (or at least, they didn't have to explain that to us) The hell it wasn't door to door! That afternoon, I spent time with the owners of a seedy car dealership, got chased out of a local grocery store, and stood by as the meathead tried to convince the owner of a crossbow store (yes, I thought I was going to get shot with an arrow) that what they really needed was a new credit card machine. A day of my life, wasted! If I had only pressed them for more information in the interview! But, that's how they get you - they prey on your weaknesses...they could tell I was a college student desperate to find a job before graduation - and they used that to string me along on a horrific day of sales calls.

So there you have it - even a bright, educated girl can get pulled into this kind of crap. Although I lost a day of my life to this bullshit, at least I didn't make an initial investment or lose my life savings in a scheme to make fast, easy money. Yeah - this actually happens all the time.

The bottom line is this - if a product is so great, then you have to wonder why it isn't being sold by reputable establishments and popular retailers. Also, if I had a great product, I wouldn't entrust a bunch of inexperienced (remember: no experience necessary!) rejects to go out and sell whatever the product is. These companies prey on weaknesses and then try to instill confidence by giving testimonials of people who have "changed their lives" using the simple system that requires only minimal expense to setup.

While they're a nuisance to hardworking people who really want or need to make some money, they're also pretty fascinating in the language they use and entertaining if you have the ability to see through it.

And I Live to Tell...Barely

2006-07-31T15:54:00.000-04:00

How did they do it during the gold rush? I mean, honestly.

According to a popular travel guide, the route I travelled with my sister and her four kids a little over a week ago (the world famous Alaska Highway!) is detailed as follows:

"Today, almost all of the two-lane highway is surfaced with asphalt. But it’s no freeway. There still are stretches where the highway is narrow and curvy, where it lacks center lines and ample shoulders. Also, watch out for sudden loose-gravel breaks where the pavement has failed or is under repair. Sometimes the gravel gaps are marked with little, red flags; sometimes they aren’t. And that asphalt paving can ripple like a roller coaster track in places where “frost heaves” are caused by seasonal freezing and thawing of the ground."

Yup, that about sums up the first day. I believe they use the term "paved" loosely up in them thar hills. Imagine if you will, a mini van loading down with two adults and four children...then take every available inch of free space and pack it with suitcases, diapers, movies, laundry - you name it. Needless to say, the back of the van was pretty close to scrapin' the pavement at full capacity; and when we approached the ripples in the road, the bottom of the van would scrape the pavement and make this terrible noise that is still making me cringe.

The guidebook also suggests that the trip from Fairbanks to Seattle should take anywhere from 7 to 10 days, but sis and I weren't pussyfootin' around. We made it in three.

The remainder of day 1 took us from Fairbanks, Alaska to the U.S - Canadian border in the Yukon Territory where we finally wound up in Whitehorse, YT at the end of day one. Tired, but still optimistic about the trip that lay ahead. At least we actually had hotel reservations on our first night - we weren't so lucky in some of the nights that followed.

The highlight of day 1, other than the beautiful scenery in Alaska was crossing the border into Canada. My sister had me freaking out about not being let into the country, seeing as I don't have a passport. If we got held up at the border, we wouldn't make the drive in the time that we needed to - I was really nervous.

The border wasn't what I thought it would be. I envisioned a chain link fence with tons of barbed wire and flood lights...you know, the whole prison atmosphere. Sort of like the pictures i've seen in the media detailing our Southern borders. The Canadian border isn't like this at all. We approached a large building and pulled up to a drive in window which reminded me of a really large bank. Then, the nicest woman I have ever met leaned out the window and started chit chatting with us like we were in line at the grocery store. Instead of the strip search and interrogation I had cooked up in my mind - she basically asked us a couple of questions, and then I swore she was going to invite us in for milk and cookies. Welcome to Canada!

The first thing I noticed as we pulled away from the border was that the posted speed limits are a lot higher in Canada - I was stoked...pedal to the metal baby. Yeah, that's because they're not in MPH....annnnd i'm an asshole American. After pulling into the hotel that night and putting the kids to bed, sis and I headed down to the bar for a much needed beer and discovered that they really do overuse the phrase "eh!" I was starting to love Canada.

Summer Road Trip '06 - Alaska to Seattle

2006-07-12T15:19:00.000-04:00

I'm taking my first two week "vacation" since my college days. In fact, i've never been away from DC for more than a week or so...adios Federal City!

I say "vacation" because i've agreed to help my sister drive herself and her 4 kids ( a 14 year old, twin 6 year olds, and a 2 year old) from Fairbanks, Alaska to Seattle where she and her husband are moving. My brother in law couldn't get military leave to help my sister with logistics so it's little sis to the rescue. Not exactly the tropical vacation I had in mind, but i'm excited all the same!

So, what could be exciting about road tripping with a mini van full of bored kids (who I will also note, are prone to car sickness...)? The lure of the great american roadtrip! Now, i'm sure my bubble will burst about this adventure just as sure as a tire will burst on the most remote of Alaskan highways, but i'm trying to pump myself up about this as much as I can...just bear with me.

I'm the youngest in a particularly large family (5 sisters & 2 brothers) and was robbed of the roadtrips that my older brothers and sisters tell stories about to this day. By the time I came along, my parents declared themselves too old to haul kids across state lines and through national tourist traps. I enjoyed my summers at the NJ shore and have fond memories of the beach, but little experience on the road.

Now I feel as though this is the time to make up for all of it and judging from the stories i've heard time and again about my dads road habits a.k.a "we only stop when we need gas whether you kids have to pee or not," i'm stoked to be making the trip as an adult, with my sister.

I'm not totally clear on the entire itinerary at the moment, but my adventures will start off this Friday as I fly up to Alaska with a lengthy layover in Seattle (our final destination). I'm hoping to use the layover time to explore Seattle on my own a bit before ending up there with my sister and the kids.

I've also looked into purchasing a travel journal to chronicle some of my adventures and share them with you upon my return. Until then, i'll be getting my kicks on the AlCan Highway; Pacific Northwest, here I come!

And I Shall Dub Thee...Smarmalade

2006-06-22T15:14:00.000-04:00

According to the Urban Dictionary, which translates urban hipster slang into laymen's terms (such a great waste of time!!!) - the definition for the word smarmy is the following:

Smarmy: generally the stereotype of the greasy, unwanted people that hit on any given person (typically in a bar setting):
1. Oh my god, that guy that just offered to buy me a drink is so SMARMY!2. That guy that said, "Do you want fries with that shake, baby?" is smarmy.

I would like to offer a variation on the word smarmy, if I may - I heard it from my friend Sarah while sitting in a crowded (and flooded; more on that later...) bar in DC. Stemming from the root word smarmy - the new word is smarmalade - say it with me now - that's smar-ma-lade (rhymes with marmalade - that preserve the Brits spread on toast - consult Paddington Bear for more info) and the word is perrrfecct to describe the liquored up bastards that troll around the bars, never noticing the obvious back turning that follows their seedy sexual advances.

The DC bars have become thick with smarmalade...actually, it's not so much that they've suddenly become like this, they sort of always have been. Federal City attracts a disproportionate amount of smarmy bar folk who strike up "whitty" conversation with other patrons who couldn't be the least bit interested...in fact, they're mostly frightened and want to go back to their friendly conversations, but the smarmy fellow is not to be disuaded. Through their smarmalade stained beer goggles they lean in just a bit too close, precariously positioned at the edge of a bar stool; sweat and alcohol drifting from their pores and slurs flying out of their mouths - the eyes of those in the immediate area dart around, looking for an escape from the smarmalade. Perhaps a trip to the bar for another drink, or a sprint to the bathroom.

I discovered this weekend that there is one - and only one way to effectively get rid of smarmalade, and that is to bring the offender ever closer...and head butt them. This is what's known as the Primo effect...and, well...it's quite effective. So the next time you find yourself in this awkward position, know that smarmalade is a simply a fact of having a social life in DC and for you smarmy gentleman, if you wake up with a pounding headache, it's probably not from the jager shots.

Garbage Gripes

2006-06-22T13:38:00.000-04:00

I was just thinking about the pros and cons of living out in the suburbs of DC instead of the actual city. I came up with a lot of reasons why I miss DC, mostly relating to the ease in which I was able to stumble home from the bar when it suited me...

When I decided to migrate to the 'burbs, I had assumed that domestic activities (logistics) would be easier. For instance, I never have to fight for a parking space on my street, there's always a spot right in front of my house...glorious! I had also assumed that garbage pickup would be a breeze - that all the trash and refuse from the week would be magically whisked away in a clean and timely manner. On this point, I was dead wrong.

Let me start off by saying that Montgomery County has some of the pickiest trash collectors i've ever dealt with. I figured if I (or my housemates as the case has been lately) are responsible enough to get the trash out to the curb on time; the garbage collectors would hold up their end of the bargain and haul it away. Then came the first notice...

Affixed to the garbage can one morning was a huge orange sticker stating that our trash can was too heavy to empty. On a seperate occasion, there were too many cans in our recycling bin and it was left out in the street to greet us when we arrived home...still full of cans. Maybe this is protocol around here, but i've never seen anything like it. I can understand if we were trying to throw away appliances, or dangerous items...but this is just normal trash!

I'm researching this matter further, and I came across a website dedicated to the "do's and dont's" of trash removal for Montgomery County; here's my favorite example:

"Unacceptable Materials include: human or animal fecal or uriniferous matter, infectious wastes, dead animals"

Note: Uriniferous is my new favorite word - and funny enough, they never refused to pick up the steaming piles of dog crap that we lovingly placed at the bottom of the trash bags.

Anyhow, I guess the point of this whole rant is the fact that now the garbage disposal companies are looking to disrupt normal pickups because of the rising cost in diesal fuel. Rising fuel prices is something I can certainly understand, but I honestly don't know what we're going to do with all this trash that they're not going to collect. They only pick up about half of it as it is.

Now, if we could just find a way to convert the steaming piles of dog crap into a renewable source of fuel for these folks, maybe all our problems would be solved. I'll just go ahead and consult Al Gore on this matter.

Rock Creek Parkway = Bermuda Triangle

2006-06-22T09:57:00.000-04:00

The Bermuda Triangle - a paranormal site in which the known laws of physics are violated and altered.

Rock Creek Parkway - A winding mass of two lane roads in which all electronic systems in my Jeep fail and inexplicable torential downpours (with the top down) ensue.

Don't get me wrong, I love Rock Creek Parkway, it shaves a comfortable 20 min. off of my morning commute from Silver Spring into Rosslyn. Lately though, some strange things have been happening while passing through...allow me to explain:

Monday morning approx. 7:20am - Shortly after entering Rock Creek Park, both my speedometer and tachometer mysteriously stop working. Upon exiting the Park and heading into VA, all systems return to normal.

Monday evening approx. 6:15pm - Leave work without windows zipped up. Torrential downpour begins at the approx. time that I enter the Park. Jeep becomes a dripping mass of stenchy wetness. Flood lights inexplicably turn on and off without switch being pushed. After exiting the Park, all systems return to normal.

Tuesday & Wednesday - Decide to save money and take metro to work.

Wednesday evening approx. 8:30pm - While on my way to meet up with friends in Chevy Chase, the radio suddenly looses all power and cuts out when approaching the Park. Radio power and signal return after leaving the area.

(Insert freaky "Unsolved Mysteries" music here)

If I should happen to dissapear in the next couple of days, you know where to start looking for me!

Guess Who's Back...

2006-05-04T16:11:00.000-04:00

Yeah, yeah...i've been riddled with spring fever and haven't been posting to this blog recently - but i'm back! Miss me?

So, i've been driving in to work since moving out to Maryland and i've missed the joys of the metro. Finally, the inevitable happened and my car broke down - forcing me back into the throng of commuters..which I didn't mind...at first.

Here's the thing - on my way home from work via metro last night, our train was delayed at Metro Center because a passenger was reported as being "sick" and had to be removed from the station. Mind you - the passenger wasn't sick at our station, but was backing up trains all along the red line.

This morning - same thing - a passenger was "sick" and the orange and blue lines were forced to share the track. What is the deal with passengers getting sick? Never in my 5 years as a metro rider have I ever come across this excuse for delayed trains!

This just in: WMATA issued a press release stating that the sick passenger required emergency medical attention and the trains had to wait until medical personnel arrived on the scene. Ok, so I feel bad about complaining if there was a serious emergency - but shouldn't metro have some kind of plan in place if this happens...you know, like get the passenger off the train? If we can't figure out what to do when a passenger is having a heart attack, what the hell's gonna happen if there's a terrorist attack?

Washington's Guitar Shop

2006-03-30T16:16:00.000-05:00

The Washington Post just published a piece on Washington's Guitar Shop, located above Fuddrucker's on Connecticut Avenue. I have a special appreciation for this shop since it is where I purchased my first (and only) acoustic guitar.

The shop is just as the article describes it; cluttered with guitars and a little dusty, but that's all part of its charm. I had no idea that famous guitar players (e.g. Jimi Hendrix) and various bands stopped by this "Washington institution" on their way through town.

I found that the staff was really enthusiastic, even as I described my complete and total lack of guitar experience and they outfitted me with an excellent beginner guitar which I still play on today - I've been meaning to head back and upgrade.

If you're a guitar enthusiast in the DC area, you should stop in and check it out.

History of April Fools

2006-03-30T13:53:00.000-05:00

I often wonder how some of our more non-traditional holidays came to be. Specifically those that don't seem to have any religious ties such as Groundhog Day or April Fool's.

According to various online resources, the history of April Fool's Day is linked to the introduction of the Gregorian Calendar and the confusion that ensued as a result of poor methods of communication in ye olde times. When the calendar was switched, New Years was moved from the first week of April to January 1st. Those who refused to acknowledge the change, or didn't learn about it were considered fools - evolving over time to our modern day April Fool's.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Dreaded Daylight Savings Time

2006-03-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

Ah, the Cherry Blossom's are blooming, the birds are chirping and the sun is still out by the time you leave the office, but this weekend daylight savings will rear its semi-ugly head.

While it means that we'll be enjoying more hours of sunshine and happiness, it also means that we'll lose an hour of sleep this Sunday. To a marathon sleeper such as myself, this is a tragedy.

I honestly think that if I didn't have to eat or go to the bathroom - I would sleep all day. In a perfect world, I would mostly do just that. Medical professionals have a couple of tips to ensure that people ease their way into daylight savings time. I think i'm just going to sleep as much as I can before I have to spring forward.

Billboard Top 10 from 10 Years Ago

2006-03-29T11:49:00.000-05:00

The following songs were topping the Billboard charts this week in 1996:

1) Celine Dion: "Because You Loved Me" - I wasn't so much of fan of this, or any Celine hits for that matter.

2) The Tony Rich Project: "Nobody Knows" - My little teeny bopper ears loved this song; the video was hot too.

3) Brandy: "Sittin' Up in My Room" - Not bad, but not as good as "The Boy is Mine" with Monica.

4) R. Kelly: "Down Low (Nobody has to Know)"- I didn't really know what the song meant when I heard it...then I saw the video and it became clear.

5) Mary J. Blige: "Not Gon' Cry"

6) Alanis Morissette : "Ironic" - Ugh

7) Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men: "One Sweet Day" - Loved...LOVED this song. My sisters were huge Mariah fans, so I listened to it a lot growing up; she may have been married to that crazy music exec, but at least she wasn't out of her mind...yet.

8) Everything But the Girl: "Missing" - Loved this song when it came out...still do, go figure.

9) Gin Blossoms: "Till I hear it From You" - Good tune

10) D'Angelo: "Lady" - ??

How Geeky Are You?

2006-03-28T13:02:00.000-05:00

According to Newsweek's latest online survey, i'm "headed to geekdom." That's right, I scored a 40 out of 60 on the geek scale. I guess there are worse things in life...

I've been acutely aware of my increasing geekiness the last couple of months. I'm obsessed with being informed, having my finger on the pulse, embracing technology...whatever you want to call it. In marketing terms, i'm trying to go from "laggard" to "early adopter."

Not only do I listen to NPR everyday, but I subscribe to their podcasts for programs that I miss while i'm at work. I'm in the process of teaching myself how to use Dreamweaver and learn html code, I work on crossword puzzles like it's my job, I read two major newspapers every morning and subscribe to numerous blogs...the list goes on and on.

I wouldn't have been caught dead doing most of these things a couple of months ago, but I find myself surrounded by bright, young, intelligent and tech savvy people everyday - and i'm determined to keep up and establish myself among them - and if that means that I have to channel my inner geek; so be it.

Federal Govt. Looks to Sewage for Answers

2006-03-27T09:55:00.000-05:00

This mornings WaPo reports that Fairfax County is participating in the Federal Governments program to test drug use. Ok, great - let's find out how many coke heads are running amok over in Fairfax. I'd hazard a guess and say that their are plenty, both in Fairfax and beyond. The Federal Government isn't interested in rough estimates however, and wants to get a more complete picture of the overall misuse of illegal substances. So where are they looking for these answers?....your toilet.

Well, your sewage to be more exact:

"Earlier this month, the county agreed to participate in a White House pilot program to analyze wastewater from communities throughout the Potomac River Basin for the urinary byproducts of cocaine."

The Feds borrowed this lovely idea from Europe, where testing of the Po River Basin yielded surprising results on the useage of drugs (specifically cocaine).

Here's the thing - I don't think the Feds need to waste time, money and other resources taking samples of crap to prove that we've got a drug problem in the U.S. Although the image of a bunch of Feds wading through a sea of crap Shawshank Redemption style makes me laugh a little.

Health Secrets of the Stones

2006-03-20T16:33:00.000-05:00

During this years SuperBowl halftime show, I found myself waiting for the Rolling Stones (a.ka. Strolling Bones) to spontaneously combust (see mockumentary Spinal Tap). I mean, how in the hell are they still rocking their asses off in their late 50's and 60's??

I was surprised to come across a WebMD article that examines the health and fitness of The Stones and how they can still put on one hell of a show despite their age.

Fact: The distance Mick Jagger struts and sprints in a typical stadium show = 12 miles!!

Basically it comes down to the fact that even if you've partied your ass off, you can still make up for it later in life if you haven't already caused yourself irreversible damage. That, and the best physical trainers money can buy doesn't hurt.

Now I don't feel so bad about the past couple of binge weekends i've been on.

I can't get nooo...satisfaction.....

Sisterhood of the Travelling Joke T-Shirt

2006-03-13T08:40:00.000-05:00

I'm always a little bit behind fashion trends, and I think the popularity of joke t-shirts (e.g. "I went to Philly for the crack") has eclipsed, but I still love reading the obscure pop culture references or vintage logos that people have been sporting for the last couple of years. District Tees is an online retailer that sells some pretty funny DC themed shirts - "I'm late because I ride the Red Line..." I mean, come on - that's pretty funny.

The problem that I have with these shirts is that once you've worn them out a couple of times, the novelty wears off...and more people catch on so your shirt isn't all that original anymore (how many "Vote for Pedro" shirts have you seen...I rest my case). In order to maintain a constantly fresh joke t-shirt wardrobe, you would have to camp out at Urban Outfitters when they unload their inventory - and lets be honest - Urban is a rip off. That's why i'm proposing the Sisterhood of the Travelling Joke T-Shirt.

The premise is that you buy a few Joke T's and wear them out to the bars, etc. until the novelty wears off. Then, you trade them with friends in other cities (assuming they wear approx. the same size t-shirt). Even better - send them off with a couple of choice stories that relate to wearing the shirt..."I won a flip cup championship while wearing this shirt..." or "I lost this shirt while playing strip poker and found it under the couch a week later..." You get the idea. It's a money saver, and I think it would be damn fun.

Be Cool, Eat a Rita's

2006-03-10T08:55:00.000-05:00

"Everybody want to be cool/everybody wants to be happy/everybody wants to put a smile on their face - real fruit, real fresh- the ice is Rita's"

It was already a balmy 60 degrees before I left the house this morning, and while I was getting ready to leave I saw a report on Rita's, a franchise which offers "ices, cones, shakes and other cool stuff." GLORIOUS!

Back in the dirty jeerz - we used to buy the hell out of this stuff. When I was younger (before Rita's hit the scene) we used to beg my mom to stop by the Seven Eleven on the way home from the beach to buy us all Slurpees. We usually succeeded (mom had a sweet tooth for the Coke flavored Slurpee) - ah, the glory days.

Rita's became popular right around the time that I was old enough to drive (or at least get rides from older friends), but not yet old enough to do anything "cool" like go to the bars, etc. Rita's became the destination/hangout for nightly hooligan antics. We used to buy a couple Italian Ices and drive down the road - lobbing them at the local 'hoods riding their bikes with their friends on the handlebars. It was great fun.

Aside from being the perfect thing to pelt locals with, Rita's Ices are fantastic! I've tried my share of Italian Ices, but nothing compares to Rita's Italian Ice and Custard....oh, sweet mother of god - it's that good.

The first Rita's Ice of year marks the onset of spring. I'm not sure how long this beautiful weather is going to hold out, but I think I might just head on over and pick one up...bikers beware!

Remembering Ed Emberly's Books

2006-03-03T16:54:00.000-05:00

I recently came across a reference to Ed Emberly in an article that I was reading. Emberly is a children's author and wrote books such as "Make a World" in which he illustrated simple ways to draw various objects. I was mesmorized by this book when I was a little kid because it opened up the world of drawing to me. Granted, the book showed very basic ways to draw simple objects, but as an unartistic kid - I felt like I could draw anything.

I used to spend hours flipping through the book and making pictures with my colored pencils. I haven't thought about this book in ages, and thought that maybe some of you remember it too. I almost want to go out this weekend and see if I can find it. I think it would improve my Pictionary and Cranium skills greatly.

Condiment Connoisseur

2006-03-03T13:14:00.000-05:00

I have this problem where I actually use food as a vehicle for condiments. As I dove into my Cheessteak this afternoon (which the deli calls a steak and cheese...blasphemy!) I realized that I was enjoying the ketchup a little more than the actual sandwich.

People are funny about their condiments. For example, i've come across many who will only use Heinz ketchup for their burgers. I'm not really brand loyal to any particular condiment (I like Hunt's ketchup just as much), but condiments in general are a must have for my meals. Wouldn't it be awesome if you could size a person up by the condiments they put on their hotdogs? For me it's a mixture of ketchup, mustard, and sweet relish...like I said, I have a problem.

I also go through condiment phases. When I was younger, it was ketchup. In college I went through ranch dressing like nobodies business. Now, I have a serious addiction to horseradish - I put it on everything. My favorite is a mixture of horeseradish and ketchup which yields a sort of poor man's cocktail sauce. My dad used to spread it on fresh crab meat and ritz crackers...yum! It is now the reason that Arby's is my favorite fast food joint - who else liberally dispenses horseradish with their meals?

If you're looking for an awesome way to spice up your sandwiches, I seriously recommend any of the condiments in Woeblers Sandwich Pal line. They are excellent, although sometimes hard to find.

Hokusai Exhibit @ Sackler Gallery

2006-03-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

I've never been as excited about an art exhibit as I am to see the Hokusai exhibit that's opening this weekend at the Sackler Gallery. I can't remember being this pumped about an "art outing" since my first visit to the Gugenheim Museum in NYC (although I was going more for the architecture of the building than the art inside). Architectue has always appealed to me more than oil on canvas, but there's something about Hokusai's "Great Wave Off Kanagawa" (see above) that i've always been drawn to.

I love any art involving sea life and the ocean and what I like about the "Great Wave" is the mix of rich blue color along with the almost cartoon - like quality of the scene. I have a poster of "Great Wave" hanging in my room, but I can't wait to get a closer look at the original. I didn't realize that Hokusai's career spans almost 70 years and that his art is more recognized in the West than in his native Japan. Also, he used woodcut relief (the oldest form of printmaking) to create many of his works - I had no idea! More to follow on the exhibit after I actually see it!!!

Florida's Got the Good Lyrics

2006-03-01T16:27:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a weekend trip to Ft. Lauderdale and while I was jammin' to the radio in the rental - I realized that a lot of the songs that get airplay up here are radio edits with totally different lyrics. What gives? Why can they play the original version in Ft. Lauderdale, but they won't play it in DC? I'm guessing it has something to do with those two huge white buildings down the road...

Before I left to go to Florida, I heard this song on the radio with the lyrics "i'm in love with a dancer..." I don't know anymore lyrics to it, because that's about all they say in the song - yes, it's probably worse than the Black Eyed Peas "My Humps" song. So i'm in a little bodega by the beach and they're playing the same awful tune to "I'm in love with a stripper." Can we not say stripper on the radio here?

Same thing happened again when Sean Paul's "We Be Burnin" came on the radio. So the DC lyrics go "recognize it, we pimpin' as we ride it." And the Florida lyrics go "recognize it, they should legalize it." Ok, so a song about legalizing marijuana probably wouldn't go over so well in our nations capital i'm guessing.

Who knew?

Also, this strange phenomena has been happening lately where i'm scanning through the radio and hear an a song that I haven't heard in years...then later that day i'll hear it again, and again the following day - then it dissapears again into a musical abyss. Do all the DJ's get together and pick some one hit wonder from years ago and agree to play it for three days straight?

I think I listen to the radio too much.

Who's Who is a Crock of _______

2006-02-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

I never receive mail at the office because I don't list my business address in my contacts. The fact that I actually got something addressed to me makes the letter suspect to begin with. It has fancy script letters and indicates that it has been mailed from Manchester's Who's Who Registry...hmm, this should be interesting...let's read it:

Dear Ms. Chrissy [ I use my full first name on all official documents.."Chrissy" is reserved for friends, etc. Manchester Who's Who is not my friend]

"It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2005/2006 Manchester Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women "Honors Edition" of the registry."
["Executive & Professional?" These people clearly have no idea what I do for a living. I like how they put "Honors Edition" in quotations. Is that supposed to make me feel more special?]

"The 2005/2006 edition of the registry will include biographies of our country's most accomplished women. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executive and professional women throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement."
[This is certainly boosting my ego, but let's be honest - I've been in the full time working world for a little over 6 months...I haven't accomplished anything worth printing unless you consider the record speed with which I can undo a paper jam a serious accomplishment. Also, call me crazy but if you consider this your "highest mark of achievement" than you are a fool, 'cause this is a scheme of Ms. Cleo proportions!]

OK - that's about it. There's an insert which asks for general information about my company and job, etc. I wouldn't exactly call that a biography. I'm sure the "pay to be a member" and "pay for a copy of the publication" comes later. Funny enough, there's a little tag at the bottom that states that "Manchester is not affiliated with any of the other Who's Who organizations." I guess i'll leave this to the "thousands of professional and executives" morons out there that buy into this crap!

Work VA - Live MD - Play DC

2006-02-22T17:32:00.000-05:00

My first week as a tri - stater is going well. I completed my move to Silver Spring this past weekend in record time thanks to the "sto-and-go" minivan rental and the help of a couple good friends. Although my schedule is a bit hectic at the moment and i've only spent two nights in my new place, it's already starting to feel like home.

I've forgotten what it's like to have no clue how to get anywhere. After 5 years in the same DC neighborhood, I had a pretty good handle on the conveniences of everyday living. Now, I feel like i'm back to square one, although there's a certain excitement in discovering all the cool things that are right around the corner.

Last night I discovered downtown Silver Spring. I have mixed feelings - it's really clean and nice, but it kind of reminds me of the fake snow that people spray on their Christmas trees - it's all show. I'm stoked about the independent movie theatre...it's still to early to tell.

The other observation that I have is about driving in MD. I know when i've crossed over from DC because all the roads have names and routes. This causes confusion when i'm asking for directions because I pay attention to names...you know, like Piney Branch Rd...not MD RT 322 or whatever it is. It's only the first week though - we'll see how it goes.

That New Car Smell

2006-02-22T08:43:00.000-05:00

The winter roads left a thick layer of salt of grime on my beloved Jeep, so this weekend I decided to take it to the "do-it-yourself" carwash. I'm obsessed with the carwash - there's something about putting those tokens in and getting 4 minutes with the foaming brush and power washer that really gets me going. I'd have to buy 10 gallons of soap to equal the glorious pink suds that are readily available at these establishments..**sigh** I was in heaven.

So after getting up a nice lather and power washing the filth off my car, I took it over to the huge industrial vacuums and gave it the 'ole once over. I haven't really given the inside much of a cleaning since I bought the car and found some interesting items in the seats and floor:

Approx. $3.46 in change
A hacky - sac left by the previous owner
A spare key to the car - wedged under the floor mat (who knew?!)

When I was all done the car looked b-e-a-utiful, but there was one thing left - the smell. It's a Jeep and sometimes it can get a musty smell from the canvas top or wet floormats. There's also been plenty of smoking in the car, so it also smells a little like a bar after last call. Lucky for me, there was a vending machine selling those little scented trees and I figured that would help a little bit. I chose the Cherry scent, which I was satisfied with at the time - I mean, it really overpowered every other smell I had going on.

Later that night, my friend Maria and I went out for coffee and she noticed the smell right away. "Hey, your car smells good. Well, actually it kinda smells like a rest stop bathroom that's just been cleaned." ...AWESOME! The thing is that she's right - I didn't realize it at the time, but it is sort of reminiscent of a fresh urinal mint.

So much for that new car smell...anybody want a ride?

Forecasters Predict "Big - Time" Snowfall

2006-02-10T08:59:00.000-05:00

I hesitate to say anything about the supposed snowstorm that's making its way here for the weekend (mostly because I made fun of the pre-histeria surrounding hurricane Katrina...yeah, i'm an ass)

But when WaPo quotes a National Weather Service meteorologist as saying: "the level of certainty for the snowstorm is pretty good, " what exactly does that mean?

In DC terms, it means that the hill jacks west of 95 and out it haterville, va are going to get slammed with snow - while DC will get a mere 2-3 inches max and the entire city will grind to a halt. Actually, I take that back...New England will get slammed with snow, and we'll be stuck with a freaking "wintry mix" and slushy crap which won't be enough to get anyone out of work on Monday, yet just enough to make for a piss poor commute.

End rant.

Dear City Paper...I Love You - But...

2006-02-09T16:49:00.000-05:00

Dear City Paper,

I love you. Sometimes I think fellow bloggers have come up with something original and amazing - only to find that it came directly from you. I love that you are free. I love that you're available in every Chipotle i've ever visited in DC. I love Savage Love and all the other articles, columns, and stories. BUT -

I hate how every Thursday I check your site and it's not updated. Every Thursday I type in your URL, and every Thursday i'm dissapointed. I know that I can grab you on the street corner, but I can't read you in print while simultaneously concealing you from my boss.

I know that there are probably many forces preventing you from getting your print editions out as well as updating your site, but I just wanted to let you know it makes me sad.

Your loyal reader,

Chrissy

Valentine's in Dupont

2006-02-09T12:11:00.000-05:00

I learned two new things this morning:

1) There is a DC Pillow Fight Club (i'm breaking the first rule of the club by talking about it...)
2) They are planning a pillow fight in Dupont Circle on Valentine's Day

I think this is awesome and I plan on at least checking it out if not participating. I heart offbeat events in DC - such as the Drag Races.

Who's coming with me?

Super Bowl....Super Sick

2006-02-08T11:55:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl XL will go down in history...not because it was spectacular (hell, there weren't even any exposed breasts) but because all of my close friends have fallen seriously ill at the hands of the gameday events.

I blame you Super Bowl! Ok, so maybe when you get a big group of people together hooting and hollering and high-fiving, some germs are bound to get around, but this is a full blown epidemic.

I escaped the wrath of the Super Bowl flu...thanks to my trip to Richmond and Charles' "meatwad" burgers which provided me with enough protein for the next millenium.

To my fallen friends - i'm pulling for you.

Adieu DC

2006-02-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

That's right...on February 15th, i'll be an official resident of Maryland. Although i'm only moving a mere mile away from the DC border - I feel like some sort of traitor. The unions would refer to me as a "scab" for crossing the picket lines.

Believe me, I have my motivations for moving. In fact, I never completely unpacked all my things from the last time I moved...two years ago! I just never thought that i'd stay in a group house with eight other housemates for so long. When the opportunity to share a house with only two others (friends of mine) in the suburbs came along - I decided it was time for a change.

So i'm trading in my crumbling DC digs for a modest house in Silver Spring; purging my accumulation of crap and starting anew; shedding the college me and steppin' it up...(insert cheesy metaphor here)

I'll do my best not to turn into a boring suburban drone - my biggest fear, and I promise to stay current on all things DC...and throw a lil Maryland in there too.

Celeb. Facial Recognition

2006-01-12T15:33:00.000-05:00

Check out what celebrity you most resemble using facial recognition software! MyHeritage.com will scan a picture of your face and compare it to their database of celebrities. Depending on how you look in your picture - it could be really flattering, or really hideous! [By celebrities I mean everyone from Demi Moore to Eleanor Roosevelt...yipes] Oh, and it will also tell you what percentage similarity your face has with a matching celebrity.

This is the best and most entertaining waste of time that i've come across in a long time. Give it a try!

Oh, and in case you were wondering - my celebrity match is Elisha Cuthbert who played the underage girl (and bosses daughter) in Old School.

Women on Wheels...

2006-01-12T11:42:00.000-05:00

As Rock Creek Rambler points out, there's a Monster Truck Rally at the MCI center this weekend. Looks like DC is going to be taken over by some serious horsepower in the next few days. I also just discovered that the 25th Annual Cycleworld International Motorcycle Show will be at the Washington Convention Center starting tomorrow.

Anyone care to meet me at the Women on Wheels booth? Sadly, Paul Teutel and the boys from American Chopper wont be there.

The Cosby Sweater Theory

2006-01-12T10:06:00.000-05:00

While searching for information to back up my claims that Alito's confirmation is actually a well dressed and executed Comedy Central Roast - I came across an interesting blog that i'd like to share. http://blogs.philly.com/blinq/

One post is of particular interest- A conspiracy theory about the abrupt demise of the "Cosby Sweater" :

"Bill stops wearing the sweaters on the show, but nothing, i mean nothing, can stop the steamroller that is The cosby sweater. So Hilfiger funded The simpsons, which killed The Cosby Show's ratings. Hilfiger tells Cosby "Don't wear those sweaters in public, or you'll end up like Thelma and Louise. Dead, on the bottom of a cliff." Bill stops wearing the sweaters in public and without the core support, the popularity of the cosby sweater slowly dies away."

Alito's Roast

2006-01-12T09:08:00.000-05:00

I'm usually able to tune out the TV that buzzes behind my head at the office. Of course, it's always set to the news - so i've been hearing the droning sounds of US Senators as the Alito confirmation hearings proceed.

There's been a lot of talk about my home state (NJ), as well as my home town (Princeton) as Alito defends his career decisions. I've only been catching bits and pieces of the hearings (hey, i've got work to do), but what I have seen (and heard) has surprised me.

Take for example the Senator who opened his line of questioning with lyrics to a Bruce Springsteen song, or another who launched into a diatribe about Princeton University and how he disliked the institution....for these reasons, and many others it seems to me that these hearings are more reminiscent of a Comedy Central Roast than a process to appoint a lifetime seat to a qualified candidate for the Supreme Court!

Braves on the Warpath! Fight for 'ole DC!

2006-01-09T12:37:00.000-05:00

Unless you live under a rock in the DC Metro area; you know that the Redskins pulled out a win over Tampa Bay this past weekend. The Redskins are the only professional football team that i've ever seen up close in action - and I really enjoyed it.

I'm a little torn because i've only started watching football over the last two seasons - gasp! I grew up watching hockey (the NJ Devils of course) and football never really appealed to me. I defaulted to rooting for the Eagles last season just because i'm a Phillies fan, and I figured that i'd stick with Philadelphia teams, but now that i've lived in DC for 5 years...i'm thinking maybe it's time to establish some loyalty to this city. I guess that's a little hypocritical...but, so be it. I mean, I honestly did get a little sentimental when they played "Hail to the Redskins" at the bar on Saturday night...or maybe I was a little too tipsy..well, either way...GO SKINS.

When the Ban Hits, Chrissy Quits

2006-01-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

If you live in the DC area, you've no doubt heard about the (veto proof) smoking ban that was passed by the DC Council yesterday. You may have even participated in heated debates with your friends or patrons of you favorite bar on this very issue. Whichever side you're on, you're going to have to suck it up and stamp it out in January of 2007.

I'm a smoker. It started off in highschool and continued into college, where it quickly became an addiction. Both my parents are smokers and I think when I moved away to college I went into some 2nd hand smoke withdrawal which is why my habit really took off once I was out on my own. I enjoy smoking - not because I like the smell, or the scratchy throat as a result of smoking too much during a night out, but because i'm totally addicted and smoking makes me feel calmer. When the shit hits the fan in my life, or at work - I can always reach for the pack. It's like a (somewhat) socially acceptable comfort object that I can always turn too. And i've always said "hey, at least it's not crack."

Old habits die hard, but as the research shows, if I don't clean up my act the only thing dying is going to be me. I hate not being able to run as fast as I used to and all of the other benefits of clean lungs. That's why my new mantra is "when the ban hits, Chrissy quits."

I hesitate to make a big deal out of this because i've tried to quit before, and when I enlist the help or support of others; they're always so damn miffed when I start smoking again. But here it is - i'd honestly like to quit before i'm forced to go into severe withdrawal at a concert venue or bar next January.

Join the Psychic Friends Network!

2006-01-02T15:18:00.000-05:00

Alison and Matt gettin' metaphysical in the dorms...watch out Miss Cleo!

Recently posted on Craigslist DC :

Everything old is new again! Bell-bottoms, pointy toes and US! Remember the Original,Dionne Warwick Psychic Friends Network? Well, the New Year brings us back and looking for experienced, talented,accurate,ethical and compassionate readers. Our readers are fairly and rigorously tested, and we accept only the best. Desired abilities are in: Clairvoyance,clairaudience,clairsentience,astrology,tarot,relationships,personal growth,spirituality,business & finance and all other metaphysical areas. Psychic Friends work from home on a flexible schedule and have the one of best scale pay rates in the business. If you have the ability to touch people and affect their lives in a positive and beneficial way, we urge you to send your resume and photographs to:

I don't really remember the original Dionne Warwick Psychic Friends Network, but I do remember Miss Cleo and her low budget commercials on late night TV. You know, the ones where there was mystical smoke coming from under a table (probably courtesy of a cigarette left burning) and she urged callers to call her 900 number. Oh yeah, and how she got nabbed for being a fraud (the woman wasn't even Jamaican)!

I always wondered how they recruiting people for this sort of thing. I just figured it involved cold calling and door to door recruitment - like the jehovah's witnesses. Silly me.

Critics

2005-12-28T16:42:00.000-05:00

I often wonder what it's like to be a critic. Book critic, film critic, food critic...etc, etc. What exactly are the prerequisites for being a critic? I'm thinking about this because prior to leaving for the holidays, I was checking out book reviews so that I would have plenty to read on the plane. In my rush to get an interesting book (at the airport), I failed to acknowledge the fact that nobody in their right mind would put a bad review on the books website, or on the front cover for that matter. Shame on me.

I chose the book "Prep" by Curtis Sittenfeld because I went to a private boarding school, and was interested to see if I could relate to any of the experiences in the novel, but also because it was on the New York Times Bestseller list. I haven't been all that dissapointed with the NYT list, so I decided to go with this one.

A book critic from the Boston globe is qouted on the front cover of the book saying "Prep may be as addictive as M&M's, but it's also a tart and complex tale of social class, race, and gender politics." What the hell is that?! "Addictive as M&M's??" No offense, but after an intense bout of flu; M&M's make me want to hurl, and so does all this critic shit. I've been noticing it more and more recently. Look, if a band has an incredible debut album, and then shits the bed on their second release - don't candy coat it by telling us that the band is "maturing" just tell us that the album sucks...sheesh

I guess a career of pulling euphemistic shit out of my ass wouldn't be all that bad, and in that respect - i'm a little envious of critics. If I ever do get around to writing a novel and the cover is graced with some pathetic critic bullshit, you have my permission to smack me directly in the face.

Other than that, the book was pretty good. End rant.

Best of 2005!

2005-12-22T14:39:00.000-05:00

The end of the year is famous for a lot of things (most notably, the holidays), but there's also an abundance of amusing "Top ___ of 2005" lists that are all over the newspapers and magazines. In the spirit of wrapping up the year, I thought i'd put together a list of Chrissy's Best of 2005:

Graduating College.
Landing my first "full-time" salaried job AND finally getting some freaking decent health benefits.
Buying a Jeep Wrangler after spending countless years lusting after one.
Finally letting go of some old baggage (figuratively and literally).

This is by no means all inclusive, but that's pretty damn fantastic for a year in the life. Not to say that nothing bad happened...but that's a whole other list, let's try and stay positive shall we?

Here are a couple of things i'd like to get done in the New Year. I'll keep you posted on my progress...

Find a swanky new [and affordable] place to live and outfit it with cool stuff that isn't from the side of the road. For starters, a place that has heat in the winter.
Pay off my credit card! (I'm getting there...slowly)
Write more (in my blog, in my journal, submit articles to local publications, etc. etc.)
Take a freaking vacation or do something relaxing FOR MYSELF! If you think this is a selfish statement - then you probably don't know me that well.

Alright, i'm going to keep the list to that. I could contine, but I don't want to get overwhelmed before the year even hits!

Google Earth is Effing Amazing

2005-12-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

Google Earth isn't exactly anything new. A couple months ago I had trouble downloading the software it requires and I sort of gave up after that one failed attempt. In my boredom yesterday, I decided to try it again, and what resulted was the warping of my fragile mind...this thing is awesome!

It combines satellite imagery and maps to give a complete geographic depiction of a specific location (excuse me while I go put some more tape on my glasses)....

You may be saying to yourself "ok, it's a map...I get it," but allow me to explain why I think this is one of the greatest things i've discovered recently-

I grew up in a suburban neighborhood with beautifully manicured lawns, tree lined streets, and plenty of open space to run around (*sigh*). However, my family is huge (i'm the youngest of 8) so we had to cut some corners in order to keep food on the table. One of the corners that we cut was in the lawn care department. Basically, one of us was in charge of mowing the lawn once in awhile, and that was it. No watering the grass - nothing. Needless to say, our lawn was a decaying patch of brown straw.

So once I had zoomed into my street using Google Earth, I was trying to count the houses in order to locate mine. All the sudden, I see this big brown patch in the midst of a green sea - and it was my house! The images are so accurate, that you can tell how god awful our lawn is from satellites in space!

Download it...now....GO!

Alaska or Bust

2005-12-14T16:21:00.000-05:00

(My neices Trick or Treating this past Halloween...yeah, that's snow on the ground)

Call me crazy - everyone else does! But seriously, i'm travelling to Fairbanks, Alaska to visit with my sister and her kids for Christmas. You think it's cold in DC now? Nah, let me tell you...this is nothing. When I stepped out of the Fairbanks airport last year (this Christmas will be my 3rd trip) it was -35 degrees outside. My tearducts froze; my nose froze; and my lungs seized momentarily from the cold.

Despite all that, Alaska is without a doubt one of the most beautiful places i've ever visited. Winter wonderland doesn't even begin to describe it. I'm also looking forward to a much needed vacation, and the thought of being thousands of miles away for a little bit is what's keeping me going right now.

Seasons Greetings to You...

2005-12-07T14:24:00.000-05:00

Dear DCent Readers,

As I was making my Chrismukkah card list last night (OY JOY!), I thought it would be appropriate to thank all of you for your continued support and readership of my 'lil 'ole blog throughout the past year.

I hope that it's been as fun and interesting for you to read as it's been for me to write. With that said, you'll notice that the comments are now open to everyone (thanks to Aimee for pointing that out), so feel free to comment on anything you feel or offer suggestions on what you would like to see in the future!

I've asked Santa to bring me a digital camera, so hopefully you'll be seeing some Flickr images and photo sharing available soon.

Finally, i'd like to give special thanks to KOB and the Crew over at DC Blogs for their mentions of DCent; the staff of DCist for keeping me up to date with the DC scene; and all the crazy characters in this city that offer constant fodder for posts!

Happy Holidays!

~Chrissy

Moon Boots are Back - Thanks Napoleon

2005-12-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

That's right folks! As the winter weather sets in throughout the DC Metro region, commuters are setting aside their summer flips-flops for those early morning walks to the office, and puttin' on their moon boots!

I witnessed this first-hand this morning while walking to the metro (sadly, I was not wearing moon boots). The best part was that I had my iPod going through my playlist, and at the EXACT moment I saw a woman wearing moon boots (which incidentally looked exactly like the above picture), my iPod started playing Jamiriqui's "Canned Heat"....

Flippin' Sweet! Needless to say, I was laughing my ass off. Not a bad way to start off the day...gosh!

Love @ the Lube

2005-12-06T09:04:00.000-05:00

I suppose there's something inherently sexual about Jiffy Lube -overheated engines, hot oil....LUBE!

For the second time (in less two years), someone tried to pick me up as I was waiting for my car at the Wheaton Jiffy Lube. Now, i've only been to this particular location twice, so that means i'm 2 for 2 in the pick-up department. What gives?

My first encounter happened about two years ago. I was taking Maria's car for an oil change since she was gracious enough to let me borrow it for a trip to NJ. My friendship with Maria is based on an unspoken system of reciprocity - she cooks, I clean...she loans me her car, I get the oil changed...you get the idea.

So, I pull her car up to the Jiffy Lube and this young mechanic comes walking towards me. At the time, I wasn't familiar with the Jiffy Lube protocol, so I rolled down the window to see what he needed me to do. "You old enough to drive that car?" I didn't really know how to respond to this, but I could see from his goofy smile that he was making an attempt to joke with me. I continue to stare as he follows up with "That's a nice car for a kid like you, whad'ya do...steal it?"

Being from NJ, i'm predisposed to wise-ass comments...I honestly can't help it..so I reply "Yup, just stole it...I always get the oil changed before I make my getaway..." Now, what really threw me off was the fact that the guy couldn't have been any older than I was at the time...but he kept making comments about my age!! As I went up to pay, he says: "so honestly, what are you...like 12?" Then, he proceeds to ask me if i'd go out with him sometime! It was the weirdest pick-up...ever. I declined, and mentioned that he shouldn't be asking 12 year olds out on dates and got the hellll out of there. So confusing...it wasn't until I was a couple miles up the road that I realized he had stolen my lighter!

I returned to the same Jiffy Lube this weekend to get my Jeep checked up before winter hits. This time, everything went smoothly until I was getting back into my car to leave...that's when this man comes jogging over from the car wash next door and stops me as i'm getting into my car. Unlike the mechanic from the previous year, he begins with flattery: " I just wanted to say that you look really nice." Ok folks - let me just mention that I rolled out of bed, threw on some sweatpants and drove over to The Lube...however, flattery is always nice - even if it's totally false. I thanked him very kindly for his compliment (knowing full well what he was up to), and turned to leave. "Uh, I was also wondering if you would like to join me for a drink." I declined (again, very nicely) as he resorted to "what, you don't like to go to the clubs and dance?" I said that I wasn't particularly interested in dancing at any club and left.

They put a handy little sticker on my windshield stating that I have to return in 4 months to get my oil changed again. Will I be 3 for 3? I'll have to keep you posted on that.

The Dangers of "Reply All"

2005-12-02T09:45:00.000-05:00

From Wikipedia: "Reply all is a term used in email. It refers to sending a reply message not only to an email's original author, but also to any other recipients that were listed the original To or Cc lists. This is often a dangerous proposition, especially when the list of recipients is long, as comments may be passed onto unintended recipients."

Right, i'm sure you all know what "Reply All" is, but i'd like to stress that hitting this button can lead to embarrassing, comical or downright stressful situations. This morning I was the recipient of a "Reply All" that was only intended for me and accidentally got sent to the entire company. Thankfully it fell into the "comical/embarrassing" category. Embarrassing because it was an email praising me for a job well done (for a task that wasn't a big deal) and comical because my coworkers decided to mock me for it (all in good humor). At least i've gotten a few laughs out of it this morning!

It's a great thing when you can sit back and laugh at yourself. It's not even noon yet and i've had a couple laughs at my own expense. I just caught a glimpse of my hair in the reflection of the window and I have a massive cow-lick. You know, the kind that your mother would lick her hand and try to smash back down with the rest of your hair. It looks something like this:

That's right...all I need is a missing tooth and some suspenders and you wouldn't know the different between Alfalfa and myself. I've gotta go do something about this...

"Hey, at least it's not West Virginia"

2005-12-02T08:46:00.000-05:00

"New Jersey, long trying to overcome its reputation for mobsters, air-choking traffic and toxic waste dumps, asked the public for a new image-boosting slogan and found some of its people share the same sardonic outlook as its detractors."

...I had to follow up my previous NJ post with this. The Daily Show aired a segment on NJ's slogan search recently and I find the whole thing incredibly amusing.

I remember in 4th grade they made us memorize all this useless information about NJ. When DC mayoral candidate Adrian Fenty asked me what DC Ward I lived in so he could send me information about his campaign, I just stared at him...but, I can still recite all the counties in NJ (in alphabetical order)! I guess that's what Catholic School will do to you...

I'm still trying to think of a zinger to send in to Gov. Codey...but for now, i'll have to agree with "Hey, at least it's not West Virginia!"

A Jersey State of Mind

2005-11-29T09:04:00.000-05:00

Urban Outfitters sells these t-shirts; maybe you've seen them...."NJ, Only the Strong Survive."

Although I laughed the first couple of times I saw someone wearing the shirt, I never really considered the fact that it's pretty much the truth. This became apparent to me on my latest trip home for Thanksgiving.

As I drove North on I-95, I noticed that the toll booth attendants became increasingly disgruntled the closer to NJ that I got. I received a "Happy Holidays" at the Maryland toll plazas; a nice smile at the Delaware toll plazas; and by the time I got to the Delaware Memorial Bridge, bringing me into my home state, I got a grunt and a head nod... ah, home sweet home!

City living is supposed to make you tough, or at least hardened. Maybe it's because DC is no longer one of the Top 10 Most Dangerous Cities . After nearly 5 years of living in DC, I don't feel as though I have to put on my suite of armor when I go out. Don't get me wrong - I get just as disgruntled as the next person concerning tourists and people who have poor Metro etiquette, but honestly...i've never seen a showdown in DC quite like the many I saw during Black Friday shopping in a NJ strip mall! And I wasn't even in North Jersey!

aggressive behavior is the only way to get things done in NJ, it's just a state of mind that everyone up there has. I have to admit that I wasn't able to shed my NJ shell right away, and I was tearing through the streets like a mad woman on my trip back.

I guess i'm finding that my decision to stay in DC is no longer purely motivated by the fact that i'm employed here and have great friends in the area. I'm comfortable with my life in DC, I feel at ease with people and the attitude in this city, and the more I go home to NJ, the more I realize that DC is the home where I want to be.

Organizational Behavior

2005-11-17T13:02:00.000-05:00

Well... i've officially been out of college a full 6 months, which begs the question - Did college really prepare me for the "real world?"

I can't think of one class that has been directly applicable to my life as a professional. With all the money that I spent on books and hours I spent in lecture halls, none of it has truly prepared me for what I have encountered thus far. I think the closest that I came to the truth about the working world was in my Organizational Behavior course, where we were forced to go over flow charts and diagrams.

Ah, flow charts - here's where things start to resemble the real world! See folks, the fine authors of my organizational behavior text point out that there are four particular types of flow charts which include : the top-down flow chart; detailed flow chart; work (diagram) chart; and the deployment chart. However, they left out the most important one - the mother of ALL flow charts....The Shit Flow Chart!!

How could they have missed this one? I would hate to think that future generations will be robbed of this very important and useful piece of organizational behavior, so i'm going to break it down for you now -- The Shit Flow Chart is a diagram which details the snowball effect that a tiny turd has as it cascades its way down to the lowest echelons of the workforce. It may begin as a tiny cloud of gaseous stink, but by the time it reaches the bottom, it has the potential to turn into a full on shit storm.

The lowest echelons of the workforce are most commonly occupied by interns and recent college grads, so put your smocks on kids! You're in for one hell of a storm! The only way to effectively combat this process is to become a shit-slinger instead of a shit-receiver. This process is commonly referred to as a promotion. So basically, if you can withstand it long enough, you may have a chance of coming out clean in the end.

This little nugget of wisdom would have been helpful to me in college. I doubt the fine folks over at McGraw-Hill publishing would agree to the addition of this flow chart in their organizational behavior text. But then again, they could come out with a new edition (including the shit flow chart), refuse to buy-back the old editions, and mark up the price a mere 20-30%. This would effectively screw the students over...oh wait- it's a perfect illustration of the shit flow chart! Perhaps they taught this in college after all!!!

Common Sense Commuting

2005-11-15T16:36:00.000-05:00

This morning, DCist posted an interesting piece on recent robberies occuring on the Metro. Apparently, gangs of teenagers have been mugging commuters in broad daylight during rush hour. Reading the unfortunate account of one woman's run-in with a gang of female teenagers who stole her Smartrip card and iPod (click title for link), I couldn't help but feel a little frightened for my own safety. Not because i'm worried that my personal belongings are going to get lifted off me by some delinquent high-schoolers, but because I feel that my short temper will one day get the best of me.

When it comes to fight or flight...I fall into the fight category. Point being - I would have given those little bitches one hell of a fight. If luck happened to be on my side, there's a chance that I would win. I'm pretty scrappy (shit-i'm a rugby player), but i'm not bullet proof. I'm not knife proof either. This is what troubles me.

For the most part, I trust my instincts and I have a pretty good sense of when a situation is going to turn bad. I've been known to change train cars if something or someone is giving me a bad sign. I cross the street at night if there's someone approaching me, no matter what their race or gender, and I tend to stay focused on my surroundings. Does this mean I won't ever be a victim? Hell no! But I think that a lot of crimes can be prevented by excersizing a little caution and common sense.

On a semi-related note, I do feel partially sympathetic to the woman whose items were stolen, but it's no surprise that Metro Police were of no help throughout the situation. As sad as it is, you can't trust people. Whether they're fellow commuters who could potentially come to your rescue, or the cops that are supposed to work to protect you....I know that much first hand. The bottom line is that when it comes down to it, you gotta watch out for your own ass.

It's Gonna Be a James Brown Christmas...

2005-11-14T08:33:00.000-05:00

It's not even Thanksgiving and CVS is already a winter-wonderland complete with singin' santas and faux "icicle" holiday lights. A little early i'd say, but it's coming...faster than any of us think.

It's no secret that people either look at the holidays with a sense of joy or an impending feeling of dread. I think that these sentiments are mostly born out of family traditions- how we spend/suffered through the holidays of our youth. Everyone has their stories...here's mine:

James Brown single handedly saved every Christmas of my youth; turning would-be disasters into comical affairs that I still cherish to this day. If it wasn't for James Brown's "Funky Christmas" album, I don't know how I ever would have made it through.

My parents record collection is the anti-funk; consisting mostly of Carpenters and Buddy Holly records resting on a dusty shelf. Nobody knows how "Funky Christmas" made it's way into their collection, but it's existence is legendary among my siblings.

During the holidays, my dad's temper was always mere nano-seconds from erupting, especially as we tried to get the Christmas tree to stand upright in our living room. [I think they based the father character from the movie "A Christmas Story" on my dad- his obsenities are still hanging in a cloud somewhere above South Jersey]...this was compounded by my mom's uncanny ability to choose the most mangled Christmas tree on the lot. Normally, this would be a recipe for holiday disaster...here's where James Brown comes in...

As my dad is precarioulsy swinging from a ladder, trying to tie the Christmas tree to a nearby curtain rod and just about ready to smack the crap out of any of us youngsters within arms reach...my mom throws "Funky Christmas" on the record player.

This scene played out year after year, mostly because you just can't be mad when James Brown launches into his version of "Santa Clause is Comin' to Town." And thus, order was restored. We'd all end up laughing at that crazy album and realizing that nobody really cared if the tree stood at a 45 degree angle anyways. Oh, and my dad's special eggnog (with at least 90% alcohol) helped too.

So when I think about the holiday season approaching, I like to sit back with a bottle and laugh about how wrapped up everyone gets with the little stuff and just smile, remembering our leaning Christmas trees and James Brown breakin' it down.

Do You Have the Bandwidth?

2005-11-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

One of the things I thought I would miss most about college was the opportunity to study foreign languages, but i've discovered that navigating the literary landscape of office meetings can be just as difficult as trying to conjugate a word into the subjunctive.

I honestly try not to look completley stupified during these verbal exchanges, but sometimes I just don't know how to respond. Here are my two recent favorites:

1) Do you have the bandwidth?
Ok, when I think about bandwidth I think of 8th grade science class and learning about frequencies and waves and measurments of tiny increments like hertz. I feel like responding "Well yes, I do have the bandwidth....but what's the frequency Kenneth?"

note to self: When mgmt. asks if you have the bandwidth, respond yes and watch as the paperwork piles up on your desk. It means you have agreed to do something that someone else totally bailed on.

2) Can you provide me with a straw-man?
This question was posed to me right around Halloween, so I was certain that I was being asked to decorate the office for the season. This was not the case. I'm glad that I didn't run out and purchase a bail of hay and start stuffing some old clothes.

note to self: a straw-man is a proposal that's in its informal beginning stages. A "rough-draft" if you will.

I wonder if Texas Instruments makes an electronic translator for office lingo...

Metro Savings Calculator

2005-11-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

You just can't put a price on sleeping in an extra half-hour, but after using Metro's online savings calculator i'm starting to rethink my lazy habits.

By Metro's estimates I save close to $100 each month by riding Metro to work rather than driving. The only problem is mornings like today...my iPod ran out of battery life on the bus, I waited for 20 min. in the Farragut West station for a train, got into an altercation with a crowd of people that were huddled by the doors like their lives depended on it while the middle of the train car was deserted...and got to work late...

Bleh! At least I didn't have to budget time to get to the voting booths this morning. I'm sure that was a total hassle onto itself, but i'm def. interested to see who comes out the winner in VA...

"If Tupperware Made a Car, It Would Be the Honda Element"

2005-11-04T09:33:00.000-05:00

Since the Honda Element was introduced a couple years ago, i've been trying to find some way to accurately describe it. I think my friend David hit the nail on the head - If Tupperware made a car, it would indeed be the Honda Element.

There's just no better way to put it.

Breaking News...No Bull (semen)

2005-11-03T10:15:00.000-05:00

Frederick County's stolen bull semen case...

"I will give a nice fat reward for any information on semen that was stolen from my tank today," Fleming wrote in a message posted on the Breeders' World Web forum this week.

I'm no detective Mr. Fleming, but you may want to interrogate the local 4-H club. Damn kids these days...

May I have my "fat reward" now?

An Open Letter to the American University Board of Trustees

2005-10-27T13:38:00.000-04:00

Re: Ben Ladner's severence package (a.k.a. the platnum parachute)

Dear Board Members (or what's left of you):

Your recent decision to award former AU President Ben Ladner a severence package in excess of $3 million dollars has left students, professors and alumni outraged. While it appears that your decision will stand, I would like to offer a simple suggestion which I feel will ease some of the bitterness on behalf of all parties involved.

I propose that you pay Ladner in the true currency of American University, EagleBucks. While Ladner was busy travelling abroad and hosting lavish dinner parties at AU's expense; I feel that he may have missed out on some delicious food and good times at the Terrace Dining Hall. Providing him with $3 million worth of EagleBucks will surely allow him to catch up on all he's missed on campus in the last 11 years.

As a recent graduate of AU's Kogod School of Business, I can assure you that this proposal makes sound fiscal sense. The money paid to Ladner will be reinvested in the AU community in the form of Jamba Juice smoothies; Subway Sandwiches; AU bookstore merchandise and many other on-campus venues. It will also benefit the local economy, as many stores in the surrounding Tenleytown area have agreed to accept Eaglebucks.

In fact, I would like to help the board implement this solution. I am hereby offering my expert consulting services, which I will provide to you at a bare minimum of expense. I only ask that you allow me to draft the terms of our agreement. I'm not very experienced at writing documents of this nature, but i'm sure that I could use Ladner's renegotiated contract as a blueprint.

I will eagerly await your response.

Kind Regards,
Chrissy- Class of '05
"Once an Eagle, always an eagle..."

Redskins Fans Cash in on Papa John's

2005-10-25T09:55:00.000-04:00

The Redskins haven't been doing that well recently, and Papa John's knows it. Why else would they offer a free pizza topping for every touchdown the Skins score? Not only that, but this season they decided to double their offer.

After the Skins crushed the 49ers this weekend all the fat, sloppy, and cheap bastards in the DC Metro area can receive as many as 14 toppings on their grease pies...oh, and don't think they won't do it. According to the WaPo article (click title for link), Papa John's was slammed with business last night.

I was at FedEx field for the game; not as a fan, but working the "dream seats" handing out complimentary refreshments to the patrons in the front two rows. One would assume that because these seats are so expensive, they would be occupied by corporate types...that was not so much the case. After one dream-seater had me flag down a beer vendor from the top of the section and grab him and his fellow sloths a round of beers, he neither gave thanks nor tip....lesson learned- let the slob get his own damn beer.

To all the Papa John's employees, I feel your pain...Hope you made off with better tips for delivering 14 topping pizzas than I did getting beers for these ingrates.

Death Cab @ 9:30 Club

2005-10-24T15:19:00.000-04:00

For the past couple of months i've been listing various concerts in the "Concerts to Attend" section of my sidebar, but I haven't made it to a single one. It's dissapointing because i've missed some great shows including The Decemberists and The Fruit Bats which is altogether sad. Last night, I finally got over to the 9:30 Club for the Death Cab show, and I wasn't dissapointed.

DCist just posted a review of said performance, which I think is right on for the most part. It's my second time seeing DCFC, and while they pretty much just played their songs and kept the theatrics to a minimum, it's awesome to hear them live and see Ben Gibbard strumming away. For those of you who are interested, NPR will be airing their second night at 9:30 Club (scheduled tonight) on live streaming audio as part of their "All Songs Considered" segment.

Last night, as Ben Gibbard was thanking the crowd for coming out, he mentioned that "The 930 Club is truly one of the greatest concert venues in the country." This isn't the first time that i've heard a band/singer say this about the club, and I really think that they mean it. Lives shows there are amazing, intimate, and f-ing rockin' so if you haven't had a chance to catch a live show, I highly recommend it.

Waking Up With the King

2005-10-21T08:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, so Burger King is trying to get the word out about their breakfast sandwiches and they end up hiring an ad agency that creates the scariest fast food icon i've ever seen!

Breakfast with the King? Hell no! If I saw this plastic faced, perma-grinned freak either outside my window at 6:00am or rolled over to find him in bed next to me (have you seen the ads?), I ceratinly wouldn't go running for a bacon egg'n cheese (note: I think the bacon egg'n cheese is on the McD's breakfast menu, which is why BK needs to get on the ball with this one.)

I'm hoping that "The King" icon doesn't become synonomous with Burger King. For instance, whenever I see Little Caesar's pizza, I always think of that puppet going "Pizza, Pizza!" I can only hope that The King slowly dissapears and is forgotten; much like that damn Taco Bell chiuaua.

The 5 Most Embarrassing Songs On My iPod

2005-10-19T16:18:00.000-04:00

Let's be honest, everyone has a couple albums in their music collection that they'd just as soon hide under the bed or deny ownership of. I certainly have my fair share, as i'm sure a lot of people do.

I thought it would be fun to compile a list of the songs (on my iPod) that i'm most embarrassed to have and the cheesy reasons that I have them.

In no particular order:
1) Natalie Imbruglia- "Troubled by the way we came together"- One summer I decided that it was a good idea to paint Maria's kitchen. I needed some music to get me through this project and a tape of the soundtrack from the movie "Go" was the only thing I had. This song was on that tape, and i've secretly loved it ever since.

2) Jim Croce- "Time in a Bottle"- There are plenty of songs that are far worse than this one. I was watching a documentary on Jim Croce (which may be the awful part of this) and they had this really cool montage of his life with this song in the background and I was a little touched by it...i'll be honest.

3) Freedy Johnston- "Bad Reputation"- After not hearing this song for at least 10 years, I woke up one morning and it was in my head. I kept humming it all day long, and finally put it on my iPod hoping to get it out of my system. I also learned how to play the song on the guitar (becauase the chords are easy...I swear!)

4) Don Henley- "The Heart of the Matter"- I'm not even going to try to play this one off. I'm a huge Don Henley fan...what can I say?

5) Montgomery Gentry- "Something to be Proud of"- I like listening to country music when i'm going on long drives 'cause the songs tell a story and I think that's fun. This one is a bit sentimental in that good 'ole boy country way. Nonetheless, it's a pretty embarrassing song to be rockin' out to driving down 95.

Ok, so I spilled it. What are your most embarrassing songs?

According to Maddy, I'm an Official Adult

2005-10-18T13:00:00.000-04:00

Back in college I remember sitting in TDR (the campus dining hall) with friends, trying to figure out at what point someone enters into true adulthood. According to Maddy, this occurs when a person receives their first set of official business cards.

For those that morphed into adulthood before me, you remember what it felt like. Looking at that shiny card with your name and title on it for the first time and realizing that 1) they actually spelled your name right (or perhaps they didn't) and 2) You have a title which people may refer to you as and it doesn't include the words idiot or jackass.

At least this is the emotional process that i'm going through at this very moment as I stare down at my name in small print. Not exactly the big print that I had envisioned in my dreams (insert cheesy music and daydreamy look here).

Sigh...now in true adult fashion i'm going downtown to engage in battle with the DC DMV where I will turn in my coveted New Jersey license...the last true administrative link that ties me to the Garden State. Sad times....

The Many Faces of the Family Feud

2005-10-14T16:28:00.000-04:00

In1durland's comment in response to the Plinko post really got me thinking about game shows that I watched as a kid. Thanks to the Game Show Network, reruns of these shows are now available 24/7.

Has anyone ever seen reruns of the original Family Feud? I'm not talking about when Ray Combs (pictured above) was the host. Nah, I'm talkin' about that skeezy Richard Dawson...you know, the one who would welcome women contestants by kissing them smack on the lips! I guess it was just a different time...

Ray Combs was my favorite host. He didn't sexually harass the contestants; his voice didn't make me want to eat poison (ahem...Louie Anderson); and he wasn't well known from another sitcom (Richard Karn). Sigh...it's a real shame that he died in 1996, and they brought that awful Richard Dawson back, although I don't think he was allowed to kiss the girls anymore.

Oh, and as I was trying to find a clip of the woman falling down the Plinko stairs (which I subsequently did not come across), I came across this site with plenty of The Price is Right bloopers.

Phat Phree's Plinko Article is Histerical

2005-10-13T15:41:00.000-04:00

My favorite Plinko moment was when this one old fart got overexcited and actually fell down the Plinko stairs, landing square at Bob Barkers feet. Had I not been home sick from school, I may have missed that gem in gameshow history. Although they stopped doing the Plinko game on "The Price is Right" for a solid year after that little number.

Check out the Phat Phree Article!

The Snakehead Fish is Baaaaack...

2005-10-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

Ok, first things first- i've been horrible about posting to this blog lately and to my loyal readers, I apologize. I've been busy gathering my acorns for winter...

In other news, the Snakehead Fish is back with a vengeance. There are few things that scare me more than knowing there is a fish that can "walk" on land, has no natural predators, and could pretty much destroy an entire ecosystem.

What sparked my interest in the WaPo article however, was the fact that seasoned fisherman briefly mistook the Snakehead for a harmless Bass!! I believe this is why I shy away from fishing. I have no idea what i'm catching and I can totally see myself thinking I "caught a delicious bass" when moments later I open my cooler and the damn Snakehead jumps out and starts doing showgirl kicks like the freaking Rockettes!

Maybe i'm taking this a little far, but the damn things are multiplying like gremlins....ahhhh!

Rogue Wave @ the Black Cat

2005-09-20T10:09:00.000-04:00

Last night I went to check out Rogue Wave at the Black Cat. It was a great set; the highlight of which was "Sewn Up" - my fav. song. Unfortunatly, I don't have pictures to show y'all, but it was a tight show. The band is def. worth a listen and you can catch a live set of there's on KEXP Seattle's live performances (see music link on sidebar).

Areva's Ad Campaign is Mesmerizing

2005-09-13T17:00:00.000-04:00

The drone of the Roberts confirmation hearings was in the background all day yesterday and I nearly had to tape my eyelids open and prop my chin up to look like a productive member of the workforce. That is, until something caught my ear...and then my eye...

Areva is a global company that offers nuclear power technology and solutions. In an effort to get their name out in the U.S. market, they've begun an ad campaign which is visually and musically mesmerizing to me. Maybe it's because the confirmation hearings are ruining my fragile mind, but check out the ad and let me know what you think.

It reminds me of a cross between these weird physics videos that I had to watch in highschool and the really old school version of Sim City for PC.

Fall is Like Sunday

2005-09-13T15:13:00.000-04:00

Riding the Metro through the outskirts of DC last evening, I became aware of the fact that fall has arrived. It was only days ago that walking outside was like stepping into a sauna and the nights without air conditioning meant insomnia was a certainty.

Now the early mornings and late afternoons have cooled off, and the sun is already making its descent from the sky before I can get out of the office. For me, fall always brings a bittersweet feeling. The fall is my favorite time of the year. It means vibrant colors, bearable weather, pumpkin patches, light sweaters, football season, rugby season, Halloween, and a last hoorah before the long winter.

I approach fall the same way that I approach Sunday. I always look forward to Sunday because it's that last day off before getting back to the work week. It's often times the last chance I get to do the things I want to do before I have to get back to doing the things that I have to do. There's a bittersweet feeling wrapped up in Sunday because you know what's coming the next day, so you have to suck everything you can out of that one day just to keep yourself charged for the rest of the week.

Life looks different to me in the fall. I find myself consciously making an effort to enjoy everything and everyone around me before the winter takes that feeling away. I'm hoping that this fall brings lots of good times before I settle in for the long winter.

Welcome to the World Baby Girl!

2005-09-12T15:47:00.000-04:00

This afternoon I became an Aunt...for the 10th time in my life. Welcome to the world Tessa Lynn (born 8lbs. 13oz...yikes)!! This now brings the count to 7 neices and 3 nephews.

The next generation of my family is now larger than my own generation (10 vs. 8), which is kind of scary to think about, but nice all the same.

Cntr. for Missing and Exploited Children

2005-09-12T09:56:00.000-04:00

The National Center for Missing and Exploited children has set up a hotline to reunite victims of Hurricane Katrina with their families. While i've seen many sites dedicated to helping people find their loved ones, the NCMEC has extensive experience in locating individuals, and has the capability to handle missing persons on this great a scale.

The Katrina Missing Persons Hotline is: 1-888-544-5475
Website: www.missingkids.com

They have volunteers combing shelters and taking pictures and information from children and adults to help in this effort.

Please help me in passing along this important information to those who may need it.

Oregon Trail..possibly the best game ever

2005-09-09T15:51:00.000-04:00

Preppy Identity Crisis

2005-09-09T09:56:00.000-04:00

"Preppy is a lifestyle, not a clothing style," Bitsy sighed as she observed the West Coast girls trying to pull off Reds. Her friend Buffy nodded before they resumed their tennis game."

Since beginning my full time employment, i've been faced with the task of establishing a "work wardrobe." This has been an ongoing nightmare for me- I hate the entire shopping experience. My college wardrobe (if that's what you could even call it) consisted of left over t-shirts from highschool, torn jeans, and various rugby gear. Most or all of which I got second hand or by default if someone left it on my floor. What can I say, I like comfortable (and sometimes free) clothes and i'm finding that most professional work attire is about as comfortable as a burlap sack.

But then there are preppy clothes, which just squeeze by "professional attire" guidelines. Soft polo shirts and khakis with matching belts....I have to admit that i've fallen victim. As I sit here and fight the urge to pop my collar, I fear that my clothes are warping my mind. I may even stop by the bar to grab a mojito after work because after all, mojitos are the new cosmos! And shame on me for wearing white pants after labor day...tisk, tisk.

Somebody please save me from myself...

Hurricane Katrina Timeline...need I say more?

2005-09-07T19:40:00.000-04:00

Friday, Aug. 26: Gov. Kathleen Blanco declares a state of emergency in Louisiana and requests troop assistance.

Saturday, Aug. 27: Gov. Blanco asks for federal state of emergency. A federal emergency is declared giving federal officials the authority to get involved.

Sunday, Aug. 28: Mayor Ray Nagin orders mandatory evacuation of New Orleans. President Bush warned of Levee failure by National Hurricane Center. National Weather Service predicts area will be "uninhabitable" after Hurricane arrives. First reports of water toppling over the levee appear in local paper.

Monday, Aug. 29: Levee breaches and New Orleans begins to fill with water, Bush travels to Arizona and California to discuss Medicare. FEMA chief finally responds to federal emergency, dispatching employees but giving them two days to arrive on site.

Tuesday, Aug. 30: Mass looting reported, security shortage cited in New Orleans. Pentagon says that local authorities have adequate National Guard units to handle hurricane needs despite governor's earlier request. Bush returns to Crawford for final day of vacation. TV coverage is around-the-clock Hurricane news.

Wednesday, Aug. 31: Tens of thousands trapped in New Orleans including at Convention Center and Superdome in "medieval" conditions. President Bush finally returns to Washington to establish a task force to coordinate federal response. Local authorities run out of food and water supplies.

Thursday, Sept. 1: New Orleans descends into anarchy. New Orleans Mayor issues a "Desperate SOS" to federal government. Bush claims nobody predicted the breach of the levees despite multiple warnings and his earlier briefing.

Friday, Sept. 2: Karl Rove begins Bush administration campaign to blame state and local officials—despite their repeated requests for help. Bush stages a photo-op—diverting Coast Guard helicopters and crew to act as backdrop for cameras. Levee repair work orchestrated for president's visit and White House press corps.

Saturday, Sept. 3: Bush blames state and local officials. Senior administration official (possibly Rove) caught in a lie claiming Gov. Blanco had not declared a state of emergency or asked for help.

Monday, Sept. 5: New Orleans officials begin to collect their dead.

The Currency of Human Lives

2005-09-07T09:07:00.000-04:00

I've scrapped three different versions of this post in the last hour. I can't get it out. Knowing that the images on the TV aren't close to the worst of what's happening in the Southeast...knowing that people died AFTER the storm because they couldn't get help...the government finger pointing and blame shifting...and people's obsession with the f*cking gas prices...

Students Need Help from Internet to do Laundry

2005-08-30T09:40:00.000-04:00

According to NBC 4, as college students return to their one room cells this semester, they'll be introduced to a whole new way to do their laundry. Well, not really...

Many schools have begun using an online laundry service known as e-suds. Basically, it sends you an email or text message when your laundry is done. It's being marketed as a tool which will help laundry room efficiency in the overcrowded dorm rooms and supposedly do away with that b*tch down the hall throwing your clothes on the floor...or the geeky pervert trolling the laundry room for women's panties.

Of course, this service just assumes that college students "forget" about the laundry they have in the dryer..nevermind the lethargy that dorms induce. I mean, would you rather be funneling a beer behind your RA's back, or folding your laundry?...come on now people...

Any college students care to comment?

Thar She Blows

2005-08-29T13:01:00.000-04:00

We all have our obsessions and one of my worst ones involves the weather. I always know the weather report; I can remember the scientific names for all the different types of clouds, and I can feel when a front is coming in before even hearing about it on the news. Ok, maybe i'm a freak, but that's just my thing.

Today, the news has been littered with accounts of Hurricane Katrina making landfall down South. Local news correspondents are practically blowing away down there. I can't get enough of the shoddy camera angles, blurred by sheets of rain and debris. It looks pretty damn dangerous.

I've been through a number of hurricanes myself, although I experienced them on the Jersey Shore which never feels the full effect of serious storms. Maybe the reason that I like bad storms so much is because I have vivid memories that I associate with them, for instance:

Hurricane Hugo, Sept. 1989 (Category 5): Made landfall in late September. I was 5 years old, and I remember having to go into the neighbors yard and collect the shingles that flew off our house. Bear in mind that the Barenegat Bay was in the back yard (literally) and I couldn't swim yet...Also, our entire living room was flooded and I watched my toys slowly sinking to the bottom of the muddy water (I thought it was the coolest thing EVER...my mom was not pleased)

Hurricane Andrew, Aug. 1992 (Category 4/5): This storm killed 15 people in South Florida and also destroyed our summer home, which was falling down on its own without the help of Andrew. All I can remember is the insurance man coming to the house and almost shitting himself about all the damage...little did he know that my brother and I had inflicted most of the structural damage years before Andrew finally finished it off.

Hurricane Floyd, Sept. 1999 (Category 4): I've never had a "hurricane day" off from school until Floyd hit. That's the only reason I remember it.

Hurricane Isabel, Sept. 2003 (Category 5): With all the hurricanes i've lived through, i've never felt as unsafe as I did during this one. My friend Mik and I decided to go driving around DC in her Jeep Wrangler (w/ a soft top!!!) We were inches from being impaled by a rogue stop sign that had been blown off its post. DUMB! I've never seen something so eerie in DC. Dupont Circle was abandoned, all the electricity had gone out, and shop owners boarded up their windows. It was quite a sight!

Nice Legs Gramps

2005-08-26T11:41:00.000-04:00

I never thought I would say this, but skorts are back....for men. That's right, apparently they are perfect for sleepwear; or if you happen to be a 60 yr. old riding in a red wagon. Hey, I don't judge. Check it out for yourself!

'Lil Kim Spotting...

2005-08-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, so maybe my eyes were deceiving me at 7:30 yesterday morning, but I could have sworn that 'Lil Kim was driving my bus. That's right...the diva herself. Not only did she have the hair and the sunglasses, but she also had the attitude to boot...and plenty of it.

She was too cool to notice me standing there, and even blew through the stop sign, finally screeching to a halt about a block up after shooting me a "you not gettin' on my bus guurl..." glare. On the contrary...I was gettin' on her bus. If you happen to be riding the Fairfax Commuter Bus #322 to Franconia-Springfield, be sure to keep an eye out for her.

My Fear of the Rubik's Cubicle Dilemma...

2005-08-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

I just read an article on the Phat Phree that perfectly illustrates how i'm feeling today. I never thought that I would miss college, but i'm starting to feel like Will Ferrell in Old School when he realizes that he'll only be with one person for the rest of his life--yeah, i'm a little freaked out. I'm in serious need of a trust tree right now.

Is this all?? Is this what I fantasized about when I was sitting in some boring lecture? The only thing that seems to be changing is the lunch menu and the weather...gahhh!! Maybe i'm just stuck in a momentary funk, but go ahead and read the article...

Ok, now- i've only been out of school for 4 months and i'm already stuck somewhere between Stage 2 (There's something happening here) and Stage 3 (and what it is ain't exactly clear). Some days I think to myself, "geez..this is right where I always thought I would be. I live in the city, i've got a cool job, I have fun friends, I live on my own (except for those 8 roomates, but who's counting), I can drink myself stupid (or at least until I run out of cash), and I don't have to answer to anyone." Wait...yes I do- there's the boss, the landloard, the credit card company...on and on and on....

It's only a matter of time before I start drinking wine out of a box, wearing a moo-moo and playing bridge. Damn, I already drink wine out of a box...AND i've started going gray...shiiiit

2005-08-18T13:20:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, Washington Post printed an article entitled "The iPod: A Love Story Between Man, Machine." It basically goes through the emotional attachment that people have with their iPods because of the memories that people associate with music.

I've only had my iPod for a couple of months, but I seriously cannot commute or walk anywhere without it. I start to get anxious when I know that the battery is running low or when I have a big trip coming up and haven't loaded more songs onto it. I've even walked the entire way (uphill) from my Rosslyn office to my home in Cathedral Heights just because I was having so much fun playing DJ that I didn't want to stop.

"Every time I download a song to it, and every time I listened to that song, it forced me to go back somewhere where I haven't been to for a while."

I find that I can dictate my mood for the rest of the day based on what i'm listening to on my commute. Let's take this morning for instance- before leaving the office last night, I loaded some old school Mariah Carey tunes that I haven't heard since I was a kid. Magically, i'm back in the summer of '93 in my moms car belting out the high notes with my sister... In reality i'm standing in an overcrowded bus on my way to work with a stupid grin on my face, thinking back to those songs and the memories I associate with them.

Who knows where this digital music phenomena will take us. NPR also has a story today discussing how wedding singers/DJ's may become obsolete now that couples can hand select all the songs at their wedding using their iPods. Not only is it saving money, but also getting rid of the fear that Uncle So-and-So is going to request The Chicken Dance...scary...i'm not sure what other implications this will all have, but i'm enjoying the ride!

Lovely Weather- eh?

2005-08-17T12:32:00.000-04:00

Chris reminded me yesterday that the Brits often discuss the weather because there simply isn't anything else to talk about. I've been finding it difficult to keep up correspondence lately because there's really nothing new or exciting to report on my end. For this reason- I bring you the weather. DC is beautiful today!! It's the perfect temp with a light breeze, and not a cloud in the sky. This of course means that i'm taking way too many smoke breaks to get out there and enjoy it...hey, can you blame me?

I also wanted to include the above photo (courtesy of adrummer_boy at Flickr). It reminds me of why I love DC. It depicts sunrise @ the C&O Canal....gorgeous.

Stadium Madness

2005-08-15T15:04:00.000-04:00

DCist has done a great job of keeping us in the loop about the progress of DC's new stadium and the controversy it's creating all across the city.

Most recently, architects have begun working on plans for a brand new stadium. When the National Association to Restore Pride in America's Capital asked DC residents for their ideas on what the new stadium should look like, they were met with some humorous results. These are two of my favorite entries.

The Chili Bowl
The Chili Bowl restaurant on U Street in the heart of DC's once-thriving Black entertainment district (across the street from the famous Duke Ellington outdoor mural) has long represented the symbolic center of Black political power. No candidate for public office in DC would ever fail to make a highly publicized visit to this city landmark. Nevertheless, this part of town is now home to a majority of DC's relatively recent Hispanic arrivals. Hispanic Night at the stadium would no longer accommodate all of this rapidly growing DC population segment.

The Pothole
A favorite gripe of city residents and the multitude of commuters from the suburbs, is the city's supposed inability to keep its almost 1200 miles of freeways, avenues, streets and alleys properly paved. Potholes have for years been a symbol of the inability of the city government to provide even the simplest of city services. Seldom mentioned is the basic contributing factor that DC is a "mid-Atlantic" city, with significant precipitation and winter temperatures cycling above and below freezing dozens of time per winter.

Pernice Brothers @ Jammin' Java

2005-08-12T10:21:00.000-04:00

It was only three days ago that I happened to hear the Pernice Brothers via Seattle's KEXP radio station; but thanks to my good fortune and the watchful eyes of my friend Maria, I was able to attend a live performance last night at Vienna's Jammin' Java.

I only really knew one song (My So-Called Celibate Life) prior to seeing them, but this song has had complete control over me the past couple of days. I can't go ten minutes at work without listening to it. It comes off of their 4th and latest album entitled "Discover a Lovelier You," and judging from what I heard last night, there are plenty of other songs on the album that deserve equal attention. Bottom line- listen to this band...now!

As a venue, Jammin' Java was great! It was adequately spacious with good acoustics, and although i'm a smoker, I enjoyed the fact that it was smoke free. It was also nice to travel a little outside the city limits for something a bit different, so if you're looking for a new spot to enjoy some good music and coffee, Jammin' Java is the place.

-Photo of performance courtesy of Maria Vastola-

Hot Town, Summer in the City...

2005-08-12T09:46:00.000-04:00

...back of my neck getting dirty and gritty. Been down, isn't it a pity; doesn't seem to be a shadow in the city. All around, people looking half dead; walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head...

The National Weather Service has issued the following heat advisory:
HIGH TEMPERATURES THIS AFTERNOON ARE FORECAST INTO THE MID 90S.COMBINED WITH HIGH HUMIDITY...THIS WILL CREATE HEAT INDEX VALUES AROUND 100 DEGREES. THE HEAT INDEX IN URBAN SPOTS OF BALTIMORE AND WASHINGTON COULD HIT 105 DEGREES DURING THE MIDDLE AFTERNOON.

...and babe don't you know it's a pity the days can't be like the nights in the summer, in the city...

Springsteen's "Born to Run" Album Turning 30

2005-08-11T15:38:00.000-04:00

As a native Jersey girl, I can't help giving a little shout out to The Boss. He's come a long way since The Stone Pony in Asbury Park (where I saw my first concert).

Next month "Born to Run," which peaked at #3 on the Billboard Charts in 1975 will officially be 30 years old.

"Oh-o, come on, take my hand," Springsteen sings, "Riding out to case the promised land." And there, in a line, is Born to Run. You take what you find, but you never give up your demand for something better because you know, in your heart, you deserve it. That contradiction is what keeps Springsteen's story, and the promised land's, alive. Springsteen took what he found and made something better himself. This album is it.
- Greil Marcus, Rolling Stone, 10/9/75.

NPR Features 930 Club Performances

2005-08-11T12:29:00.000-04:00

I've recently become somewhat obsessed with National Public Radio, particularly the "All Songs Considered" online music program. Not only do they offer in depth interviews with the bands/artists, but they also broadcast live performances.

I've been pleased that many of these broadcasts take place from DC's 930 Club, which is far and away my favorite concert venue.

So if there's a show that you really wanted to see at 930, but just couldn't get tickets...check out NPR's show and chances are you'll find the live recording.

Gentle Giant Dies at Age 32

2005-08-11T09:32:00.000-04:00

Actor Matthew McGrory, made famous by his role as Karl in Big Fish, has died at the age of 32.

He played a human Sasquatch in 2001's "Bubble Boy," an alien in "Men In Black II" (2002) and Tiny in the Rob Zombie horror movies "House of 1000 Corpses" (2003) and its sequel released this year, "The Devil's Rejects."

Fountains of Wayne...Not Just a Band

2005-08-10T16:39:00.000-04:00

According to Roadside America:

"The obliquely named Fountains of Wayne is not just a fictional Sopranos scenic backdrop or 1990s power pop band. It is a real place where you can shop for real outdoor cement fountains, and it is an enduring fixture in northern New Jersey.

Its surrounding assemblage of faux Roman statues and gaudy bird baths stand along an overburdened highway, where the locals usually drive as if they are fleeing a nuclear attack."

Next time you are driving Westbound on Route 46 in NJ, make sure to stop in! Oh, and don't forget to hit Santa's Pizzeria "One of many multi-tiered displays, with the Jolly One working the ovens."

....Only in the Dirty Jerz...

The Future of Space Exploration?

2005-08-10T10:29:00.000-04:00

While the exact future of space exploration remains "up in the air," many have their own ideas on how to fund the next generation of space vehicles. Introducing Zipshuttle...courtesy of Chris Abraham.

Soul Meets Body

2005-08-09T16:20:00.000-04:00

Death Cab for Cutie has just released their first single off the new album "Soul Meets Body." It's available for download on iTunes, and a preview is also available via their website.

I had the opportunity to see them live at the 930 Club
last fall (Ben Gibbard pictured left at said performance); it was a great time. Their new album will be officially released on August 30th.

They've also just announced tour dates and will be in DC again this fall on October 23rd (930 Club)...don't miss it!

Sister Act

2005-08-04T10:01:00.000-04:00

According to WaPo, a Catholic nun was abducted yesterday while hanging laundry outside of her convent. Apparently the nunnappers took her for a brief joyride and dropped her off a few blocks away in Southeast DC.

DC police chief Charles Ramsey declared: "There is no excuse for that. . . . Unfortunately, we have some criminals who prey on others." Criminals who prey on others...in DC?? No way!!!

While the motive for this incident is unclear, I can't help thinking that the crooks in this case are somehow seeking retribution for years of Catholic School torment at the hands of nuns. I speak from experience here...there's no telling what the psychological effects of a wooden paddle are.

TV Shows of My Childhood

2005-08-03T17:08:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling a little nostalgic this afternoon; particularly after a histerical discussion with a friend about TV shows we loved as kids. I haven't thought about "The Adventures of Pete and Pete" in at least 10 years.

Other shows mentioned: "Clarissa Explains it All," "Guts," "Double Dare," "Salute Your Shorts," and "Are You Afraid of the Dark."

Quality programming.