Get Rich Quick! No Experience Necessary!

When i'm scrolling through my Google search results, I like to take a look at the sponsored links section on the right hand side of the page, mostly out of curiosity to see what keywords inspire certain ads to appear. Recently, i've been noticing that many of the links are for "get rich quick" schemes or so called business opportunities. You may have also noticed similar ads if you've scrolled through the job classified's on Craigslist.

I have an odd fascination with these websites and job opportunities - to me, it's sort of like watching an infomercial. I know i'm never going to buy the crap that they sell, but there's something about an Australian guy mopping up spills with his space aged mop that I can't get enough of.

If you've been taken once by one of these "opportunities," it becomes a whole lot easier to spot them. Yup, you guessed it - I once fell for one of these stupid things, here's how it went down:

Spring break of my senior year in college I decided it was time to get my shit together and dedicate myself to job searching outside of the DC area. At the time, I was toying with the idea of moving to Richmond and since I was spending my spring break with friends down there, I thought it would be the perfect time to see if I could secure some interviews and get my resume out. My area of specialization in college was marketing, and I knew that I wanted to do something within that field, but because Richmond isn't exactly a marketing mecca, I wasn't coming up with much. That's when I came across and advertisment for a marketing company that was seeking "sports minded individuals" to work as associates. I can't remember all of the wording of the ad, but it impressed me and I sent along my resume. A receptionist called a day later to set up an interview for the following week while I was down there...I was stoked.

I showed up to the interview a little early and noticed that others were beginning to file into the waiting area. It didn't take long for me to figure out that they were also being interviewed for the open position. A young woman then emerged from an office and introduced herself as some sort of manager and that she would be interviewing us individually - ok, I thought - no problem. I was one of the first to go and I remember her asking a lot of general questions, but not much of anything about my educational background or my previous work experiences. The conversation was mostly based on if I enjoy working in a team environment and how comfortable I am in speaking with others. I should have known that this was going nowhere and if I could go back and change the events of that day, I would have calmly walked out of there when she was done with her interview, but as asked, I stayed.

After everyone else finished up their interviews, another office door opened up and we got to meet the rest of the employees. Mostly guys in their early 20's, high fiving each other and getting psyched for the day ahead...it was a meathead convention - another sign that I should have run, but didn't. "Great news, you all did very well on your interviews and we'd like you to stay and spend the afternoon shadowing some of our associates." By shadowing, I didn't think they meant going on sales calls throughout the greater Richmond area with some random meathead; not only subjected to his cult like attitude towards his job, but also his terrible driving.

After a morning of smoke and mirrors, I was ready to get to the bottom of whatever the hell this company was doing or selling. The meathead explained that the business was based on going into local businesses and selling credit card processing machines - yup, f*ing credit card machines. Since it was B2B or business to business selling, it wasn't considered door to door (or at least, they didn't have to explain that to us) The hell it wasn't door to door! That afternoon, I spent time with the owners of a seedy car dealership, got chased out of a local grocery store, and stood by as the meathead tried to convince the owner of a crossbow store (yes, I thought I was going to get shot with an arrow) that what they really needed was a new credit card machine. A day of my life, wasted! If I had only pressed them for more information in the interview! But, that's how they get you - they prey on your weaknesses...they could tell I was a college student desperate to find a job before graduation - and they used that to string me along on a horrific day of sales calls.

So there you have it - even a bright, educated girl can get pulled into this kind of crap. Although I lost a day of my life to this bullshit, at least I didn't make an initial investment or lose my life savings in a scheme to make fast, easy money. Yeah - this actually happens all the time.

The bottom line is this - if a product is so great, then you have to wonder why it isn't being sold by reputable establishments and popular retailers. Also, if I had a great product, I wouldn't entrust a bunch of inexperienced (remember: no experience necessary!) rejects to go out and sell whatever the product is. These companies prey on weaknesses and then try to instill confidence by giving testimonials of people who have "changed their lives" using the simple system that requires only minimal expense to setup.

While they're a nuisance to hardworking people who really want or need to make some money, they're also pretty fascinating in the language they use and entertaining if you have the ability to see through it.